The controversy over the patting down of children has prompted the TSA to hire so-called Santas to help with security. Now children will get to sit on Santa’s lap, and he’ll find out if they’ve been naughty, nice or have a crotch-load of explosives.

No word on whether or not fondled children will receive a lollipop or coloring book at the end of the maturing experience.

But An Unforgivable, Atrocious Cardinal Sin For NPR To Fire Williams For Saying That He Was Afraid Of Muslims On Planes.

GOP claims that under new laws it is business as usual.

Economists are questioning why the United States Department of Agriculture would be called on to bail out a foriegn, soveriegn nation, but at the same time, representatives from the USDA have said that “The $14 billion requested only constitutes a small amount of our 2011 discretionary budget, so really, auditing the request would cost us more than just cutting a check.”

Citizens of Portugal have been asked to weigh in, but due to them doing so in Portuguese, with no interpreters available to translate, the wire transfer has already been sent.

The thick-thighed mistress of spin was served something of a vindication this week, as the hit reality show “Dancing With the Stars” finally succeeded in ousting her daughter from the position she never rightly should have held.

Clever vote-rigging and regional gerrymandering have been thanked for her ability to survive in the primaries of the competition thus far. Continue Reading

Spokesman asks, “What? I don’t see the problem.”

Except in this case, a bit of a surprise, it was actually the Republicans politicians making donations to the reporters.

Suspensions are reportedly with pay and can be taken any time over the coming 180-days, or cashed out like traditional flex-pay.

Known socialist and sanctioned MSNBC commentator Keith Olbermann has been handed his greatest defeat in decades; a week at home with his family… without pay!

IMPORTANT – IF YOU ARE NOT A CARD CARRYING MEMBER OF “CONFEDERATION OF SOCIALISTS INTENT ON BRINGING DOWN THE CAPITALIST DRAGON AMERICA”, THEN DO NOT READ THIS…

Comrades!
The situation is dire!
Our plans lay fast in rubble before us!

Our goal to subjugate the great capitalistic tyrant the United States and lead them to the glories of socialism has run aground. The attempt to sneak Marx-Engels philosophies into the pattern of American politics has been uncovered again and again by the ever intrepid FOX News and their highly elite and patriotic staff. Continue Reading

Only three days after election day, and a mere 9-weeks after her crusade for a senate seat lost its luster, Christine O’Donnell, who has cast her spell on many voters around the good state of Delaware, is now considering conceding her loss to left-wing, radical, pinko-extremist Chris Coons.

Even though she may have intended it to lead her to the highest gubernatorial office in the land, she’s just happy to do her part… if you can accept all that.