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Google–Huffington: “Murdoch=Faux Journeaux”

Google–Huffington: “Murdoch=Faux Journeaux”

Washington, DC — Escalating the battle between traditional newspapers and online news providers, Google Inc. and a list of other Web news aggregate companies Tuesday, publicly accused Rupert Murdoch and his Newscorp chain of “solely and irresponsibly looting news articles of their unbiased truth. Thereby creating, out of whole cloth, the paper news industry’s decline.” Continue Reading

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Poorly Written Internet Content: the Best Entertainment?

Poorly Written Internet Content: the Best Entertainment?

Reading websites has become my new hobby. I get more entertainment from them than any television show or movie I could be watching. There is a plethora of ill-written–to the point of comical–content, and sadly a paucity of well-written, attention-worthy content. But hey, maybe it’s just me. You be the judge. Here are a few tidbits I found while surfing websites offering limo services in the South Florida area. Who knew hiring a limo for a wedding could be so much fun? Continue Reading

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MySpace Facebook Merger? Like. MyFace. Dude.

MySpace Facebook Merger? Like. MyFace. Dude.

DownUnder, Australia —This just-leaked domain name logo is the result of a recent unannounced, very, very secret almost-for-sure merger between FaceBook and MySpace and it’s going to be called Like.MyFace.

The use of the word ‘like’ in the domain name is to call special attention to their ownership of the most used word in the English language. The Murdochs say that they will be able to profit even if the word is in a logo with other words. Continue Reading

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Google Dog Search Trick Pisses Off Council

Google Dog Search Trick Pisses Off Council

A family of dodgy Balkan refugees who tried to lure back a lost dog by leaving a trail of their own urine around the streets near their home have been criticised by the town council as a bunch of irresponsible pisspots. Continue Reading

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Study Finds Courier Pigeon Out-Performs BT Broadband

Study Finds Courier Pigeon Out-Performs BT Broadband

BT’s wholly exaggerated 8 Mb/s broadband service promised to unite the world with super-fast data delivery – but across Britain it seems their web connection speed is markedly slower than a humble carrier pigeon. Continue Reading

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NHS E-Mail Reply Three Years Late

NHS E-Mail Reply Three Years Late

The National Health Service has apologised after writing to a man to address various concerns over his hospital medical treatment – three-and-half years after he kicked the bucket and went aloft to join the Choir Invisible. Continue Reading

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Ebay Catalog Mailings Mire Postal Service to a Crawl

Ebay Catalog Mailings Mire Postal Service to a Crawl

Ebay has been feeling the growing pressure from mail order catalog companies due to their revived success in recent years. Consumers often don’t know what they want and having the luxury of flipping through pages was something Ebay just couldn’t offer, until now. Continue Reading

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Satirist Struggles to Find New Olsen Twins Story

Satirist Struggles to Find New Olsen Twins Story

Springfield— Brian K. White, noted contemporary humorist and satirist has been struggling for weeks to find a new angle from which to mock Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen. “I’ve been read by millions,” explains White, “but I’ve been drawing a blank on those disappointing little trollops. I don’t think I’ve lost my edge, I just fear it’s all been done.” Continue Reading

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More Parents Monitoring Children’s Web-Porn Viewing

More Parents Monitoring Children’s Web-Porn Viewing

LOS ANGELES – More parents are taking the time to monitor the pornography their children view on the internet, according to the second annual Walt Disney Co. study on the subject. Disney reports that 71% of the 774 parents surveyed limit the types of pornography their children may access. Continue Reading

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New Glossy News Author Tutorial

New Writer Tutorial and Self-Publishing Guidelines…

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How to Get the Best Graphics on Your Story

You may have noticed that some stories on Glossy News have custom Photoshopped images, while others have stock photos, or something quite generic. Sometimes a killer image can make a story, so let’s get you one.

Ways to get a great image on your story…

1 – The very easiest way is by going out onto the web and finding the perfect image and adding it to your story at the bottom where it reads “Gazette Custom Settings” and click “browse”. Try to keep it 300×300 up to 600×600, and wider is fine too. There may be some copyright issues that come up, but if you’re concerned, just email me and I’ll share what I know about this.

It’s perfectly okay to upload a photo you don’t own the rights to if you expect us to use it as a guide, or to replace it later.

2 – The second easiest way is by making it yourself. If you have any command of Photoshop (madly expensive), Photoshop Elements (doable, price wise), Gimp (free!) or a similar program, maybe you want to make the image yourself.

Make it clever, make it funny, make it at least 300×300 pixels (max of about 600×600, though wider also works,) and add it to your story. If it’s much bigger, it won’t display properly, and if it’s taller than wide, it’s not going to look right.

If you can add the GlossyNews.com logo, that’s ideal, but not required. We have about 20,000 images per month taken off our server, and each one could be a moment of promotion if it has the logo.

3 – Request an image. At the top of your story, write what you’re looking for in ALL CAPS and one of the editors or I will try to make it work. Sometimes we don’t have time and put in a stock image, and other times we might choose a totally different image or theme. If you can make them yourself, that’s the best way.

4 – Put no image at all, and no instructions. Honestly, this works too, but it may cause delays in publishing your story, since someone will have to dedicate time and energy to polish it up.

To Authors on a Self-Publishing Schedule: — If you’d like us to whip up an image, just put your story in Pending or Drafts and we’ll see it and give it the due attention. It’s not always possible with the time constraints of a breaking story, but usually it works.

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December 2013 Glossy News author contest… $275 in Cash Prizes

Yep, you read it right. $275 is up for grabs.

$150 for the most-read article,
$75 for the best article, and,
$50 as a special award.

PRIZES WORK LIKE THIS:

$150 Most Read:
Plain and simple. Most read story on the site for the month of December gets the top prize.

$75 Best Article:
It’s unfair on every level, but I wanted a prize that reflects quality in addition to sheer volume of readership. Any author can suggested a story (not their own) for consideration, and I’ll pick the winner myself. This has to be something that’s exceptionally funny and well written, even if it not well read.

$50 Special Award:
This one is even harder to interpret, but will take every aspect of the story into consideration. It will be a mix of traffic, quality, nature and number of comments, and other factors I probably haven’t thought of yet. Special consideration will be given to stories that break the mold a bit in ways that work. I know, like I said, tricky.

Any Catches?
Of course, plenty. What fun would it be without a catch or ten?

To get the prize, the story has to be submitted and published during the month of December, with traffic counted until the 7th of January. If a story from the archives is #1, but yours is the top from December, you’ll get half the prize, with the other half going to the author of the older piece, assuming that author is eligible.

One author can win a maximum of two prizes. That means the max you can get from the contest is $200-225.

Who’s Eligible?
Everyone who submits a story in December is eligible, except Brian K. White and Dexter Sinistri, both of whom are me. If my current or archive stories take top spot, my $75 prize will be added to the pot for January. If one of my December stories takes top spot, the next author on the list will still get the $75 prize.

New authors, even those who have yet to join GlossyNews, are eligible. If you know someone brilliant, share this email with them.

To win the archive prize, you have to submit at least one story in December. But that means If you have an archive story you want to promote, you can still win cash by doing so. Some archive stories perform very well and others can be timely once again.

The Goal
We have an 8-liter V10 under the hood, but we’ve never gone out on the track. I want to see what Glossy News is really capable of and I’m willing to pay for the gas. We’ve always done a great job, but let’s see how far we can go.

If this produces results, it will happen again. If it takes off, we’ll be looking to rebuild and modernize the site sooner than later. I hope this is the start of something great.

The Dos and Don’ts (that looks funny typed out!)
– DO promote your work to your friends, family and social network. If you’re on Twitter and Facebook, post links to your stories. Your friends are welcome to post comments as well.

– DO post links to your articles on other sites like Fark.com, and Reddit.com, but don’t be a spammer about it. That leads to problems with blacklisting and we don’t want that.

– DO check out the other authors’ articles. See what you’re up against. Post comments for them and reply to comments on your stories. This keeps the conversation going.

– DO submit clean, compliant, run-ready stories. I can send the welcome letter with tutorial upon request. If you can include an image, that’s helpful. If you provide a Photoshopped image, that’s even better. If you have a specific Photoshop request, put it in ALL CAPS at the top of your article, and Mike Carlucci and I will do our best to accommodate.

– DON’T cheat… Don’t go on ebay and buy traffic from China. The system stats spot that and you’ll be disqualified. That doesn’t bring in new readers, it just clogs up the interwebs truck.

The Contest Begins… NOW!
Let’s make this a December to remember with a payday in Janu’ray.

Sincerely,

Brian K. White
Editor

Note to Authors with Scheduling Privileges
There are a number of authors who can run their stories immediately without review. You are still free to do that, but if you want a custom Photoshop first, consider putting the story in Pending or Drafts instead with an ALL CAPS note at the top.

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