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GlossyNews.com Proves Its Might ala Petitions

GlossyNews.com Proves Its Might ala Petitions

After our amazing success with the 62-articles we ran on election day, we were emboldened to go a bit futher. We authored a pair of White House petitions, and both of them went live to the White House site.

One was serious, one was flippant, and both of them got enough signatures thanks to our readers and sphere of influence that they went live on the White House petition website. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes1 Comment

Election Day 2012, Wall-to-Wall Coverage… Seriously

Election Day 2012, Wall-to-Wall Coverage… Seriously

GlossyNews.com – Welcome to GlossyNews’ election day coverage. We’re running about three stories per hour, though more during the peak of the evening, so keep it here and we’ll feed you, baby bird.

ALL ELECTION DAY 2012 HEADLINES

You want the news from around the country, and you better bet your sweet ass, we’ve got the news for you. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics10 Comments

GlossyNews Staff Shocked By Layoff Notices

GlossyNews Staff Shocked By Layoff Notices

In a surprising development this morning layoff notices were delivered to the 45 employees of the company who work in the print division. This was an unexpected move coming so close on the heels of the recent tenth anniversary.

Locked in a heated battle for overall supremacy of the satire market with long time rival The Onion, GlossyNews has consistently shown class and humor while it’s competitor has only occasionally shown either. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes2 Comments

Holy Lord, We’re the 2nd Longest Running Satire Site

Holy Lord, We’re the 2nd Longest Running Satire Site

“Holy tap-dancing Christ,” said editor Brian K. White on Monday, when he realized that GlossyNews.com is in fact the second longest running satire site on the internet.

“There were so many greats that came before us, and sure it was just by a narrow margin, but they did beat us,” said White. “And I know a lot of the other ones fell [offline], but I didn’t realize it was down to just us and The Onion.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes7 Comments

Apple/Reddit Lawsuit: Biden Too Good for Kitty PrAwN$?

Apple/Reddit Lawsuit: Biden Too Good for Kitty PrAwN$?

Apple today filed suit against the popular user community site Reddit over the use of a picture of Joe Biden during the vice-presidential debate.

Apple believes that they were first to claim use of the image as the logo for their Facetime application.

Reddit on the other hand, believes they were first to claim it for use as the avatar for their thread of, how shall we put this delicately, “pictures of teenage girls”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes3 Comments

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Note to readers, this article is an experiment in new software equipment that makes the material visible to the public reading audience as it is typed and being viewed by an editor.

It reflects an effort by the journalistic community to get the latest news and writings out to the reading community with as little delay and interference as possible. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes4 Comments

The Rumble: Stewart vs. O’Reilly… Stewart Won

The Rumble: Stewart vs. O’Reilly… Stewart Won

This wasn’t the most anticipated pay-per-view event of the year, but it was big enough to crash the livestream servers.

Sure it was only $5 a pop, but half the money went to charity, and at the end of the night, only one winner would emerge; Jon Stewart.

I’m writing this not to stay on the cutting edge of satire, but as a public service. I paid my $4.95 to watch it on-demand, and for these 90-minutes of equal partisan banter, it was well worth it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Television1 Comment

Glossy News Does Not Receive the Respect it Deserves

Glossy News Does Not Receive the Respect it Deserves

I’m well aware of the fact that this site ranks near the top of the chart for daily views and regular readers. The chart that I’m referring to is the one that I have in my bedroom.

I have severe OCD so I feel compelled to make a chart every day and then write all of the websites that I visit each day on the chart.

I then mark special symbols next to each site once for every three times that I visit the site on any given day. While counting the symbols for all of the sites included in the last six months of archived charts this morning I noticed that GlossyNews.com has a ton of symbols (including almost as many asterisks as CW.com)! Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes4 Comments

Is Facebook Life or is Life Facebook?

Is Facebook Life or is Life Facebook?

I’ve been a member of this site called Facebook for a few years now. At first I was pretty enamored with it.

The fascination was fun but has gradually tapered.

I’ve received a few slightly unusual private messages from Facebook in the past but didn’t think much of them until now.

I recently spent eleven days in Tijuana on a volunteer/charity mission. I lead a team of three of my friends in a project aimed at improving the quality of life for many of the prostitutes in Tijuana. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes2 Comments

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes2 Comments

New Course Offerings for the Idiot Generation

New Course Offerings for the Idiot Generation

HIS1995 – Life Before the Internet

This history course covers the dark period of mankind’s existence during the late 20th century, prior to the development of the World Wide Web. Students will learn about the primitive techniques utilized by early man for his daily survival and entertainment – including such legendary “lost arts” as standing, walking, communicating face-to-face with others, reading paper-based media, writing by hand, and watching video programming only at times and intervals dictated by broadcast television authorities.

Prerequisite: HIS1979 – Life Before Cell Phones

LIT1284 – English Literature Twitter Feed

This course introduces students to the some of the greatest works of English literature through a series of easily digestible tweets of 140 characters or less. Texts are enriched with emoticons to ease comprehension: “It was the best of times 🙂 It was the worst of times :-(“. The use of numerals, letters, symbols and abbreviations in place of words helps speed the reader along: “2B/2B? TITQ”.

Prerequisite: LIT241 – Famous Dramatic Soliloquies as Facebook Status Updates

GEO2012 – The World According to GPS

This course replaces all of our former geography courses, now that the ability to read a map is no longer a required skill in contemporary civilization. Students will practice a range of basic GPS-based driving skills – such as the ability to clearly say the name of their destination while having a mouthful of food, understanding the difference between “turn right” and “turn left”, and how to avoid panic when the GPS system says “recalculating”.

Prerequisite: GEO2011 – A World Outside of Your Home: Reality or Myth?

MAT1234 – Those Number Buttons on the Right Side of Your Keyboard

What would you do if your voice-activated accounting software failed? This course introduces students to the mysterious numerical keypad located on their computer keyboard and shows how it can actually be used to do basic mathematical calculations – such as addition, subtraction, multiplication and…well, we don’t want to give the whole course away now, do we?

Prerequisite: MAT123 – Counting on Your Fingers and Toes

COM1221 – Rewriting Wikipedia Entries

This composition course guides students through the process of rewriting information found on Wikipedia to seem like an original text based on the student’s own research.

Take the following Wikipedia entry, for example: “William I, usually known as William the Conqueror and sometimes as William the Bastard, was the first Norman King of England, reigning from 1066 until his death in 1087.”

This could easily be rewritten as follows: “William I was king of England from 1066 to 1087. The reason he decided to stop being king was that he died. Most people called him William the Conqueror because that was a really cool nickname. Some people called him William the Bastard, but probably not to his face. What ‘s weird is that his real name was Norman.”

CKG1000 – 1,000 Instant Noodle Recipes

This cooking workshop prepares students for surviving their college years through the preparation of a vast array of Ramen noodle-based meals. Practical tips include using dorm room leftovers – pizza crusts, nacho crumbs, Subway shredded lettuce – to give added flavor and bulk to noodle concoctions.

Prerequisite: CKG212 – Fundamentals of Boiling Water

SOC500 – Making the Most of Your 500th Job Interview

This social studies practicum helps prepare students for making their 500th job interview the one that finally gets them the job they’ve been desperately seeking for the past 20+ years since their graduation from college. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Science & Technologizzy1 Comment

Twitter Gets its Trademark Panties in a Twist

Twitter Gets its Trademark Panties in a Twist

Twitter, the site where people chat to each other in 140 characters or less, and which encourages following, has posted a guide on the correct usage of its trademarks.

The issue? Most of us can wipe our behinds with it if we want to waste the paper and ink to print it out first.

This is because, according to the trademarks laws of the U.S. and Europe, the only way you can be found guilty of trademark infringement is while you are using it in the course of trade. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes3 Comments

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