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9/12/2001 – The  Days After Cheney Became President – Part 19

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 19

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The Green Zone
Part 19

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

The bunker was hardly the Ritz. Lavish though, especially for a bunker. No view. Being underground one doesn’t really need windows. That didn’t matter, Cheney preferred the security it offered over any view it might have of this forbidding land. “Why does God always put oil in the most difficult of places?” he thought to himself. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 15  The Fault Lines of Washington

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 15 The Fault Lines of Washington

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
The Fault Lines of Washington
Part 15
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The hot fault-lines that ran under the surface in Washington were beginning to rise to the top.
Arguments between the sharply divided liberals and republicans were getting more frequent and fierce. Continue Reading

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9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 13

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 13

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
Part 13
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Rumsfeld entered the office, his hands tightly clenching a bunch of papers signaling that something was up.

“Dick, France is not going along with the idea of attacking Iraq. Chirac has already made a press conference stating so.” Continue Reading

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Donald Trump Thanks Glossy News for Our Unwavering Support

Donald Trump Thanks Glossy News for Our Unwavering Support

I recently did my bit for Donald Trump on The Spoof. But I’m continuing to support him by reprinting my article here! You’ll see in a moment why I’m doing this 😉

Donald Trump has recently expressed his heartfelt gratitude to every single goddamn satire writer on the face of this earth. But why? Well, I think you already know…

Hey! Listen up, you poor, miserable, deluded little satire writers. You guys thought you could make fun of the old Trump here, you thought I was just like all the other guys, right? Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 12 ‘The New Capitol’

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 12 ‘The New Capitol’

9/12/2001 – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED – Part 12 – The New Capitol

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country.

He begins immediately to make changes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary0 Comments

9/12/2001- The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 11

9/12/2001- The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 11

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
Part 11

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

McGurty announced himself to Cheney’s secretary through the intercom. He was immediately entered in, an entitlement usually reserved only for high ranking political and military officials and oilmen. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Last time:

But yes, HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD…

Not least because they can risk utterly destroying the personal reputation, or worse still, the business reputation of the person undertaking the purported hostile takeover in question.

In fact, that’s pretty much the only problem.

But it’s still a biggie.

Kind of.

Well, from a particular point of view, I guess. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Mitt Romney has released a new highly lucrative and highly non-ghostwritten handbook for businesspersons and 2016 GOP election frontrunners (insofar as there is a difference).

The text of Business People is made up of three very informed and erudite chapters:

Corporations are people.

No really, believe me, I swear I wouldn’t lie to you. Corporations are people.

FFS I swear I am just telling you the honest truth, they are, they are, they are! OHHH, they just frickin’ ARE, dammit!… Stupid, stupid, mainstream socialist jerks!!!

Here is an exclusive extract for all Glossy News readers, subtitled (but not ‘entitled!’): Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the supposedly “right-wing” media in the UK has been infiltrated by malign and conspiratorial forces.

To wit, a vicious gang of far-left radical extremists™ who are attempting to destroy every last vestige of conservative, libertarian, classical liberal, theocratic and even any vaguely centre-leaning politics from the inside.

Rod Liddle murmurs:

Hey man, it was only meant to be a bit of a laugh. I’ve always had a soft spot for Old Labour.

I mean, all this time, I never intended to pander to Tories at all, let alone UKIP or BNP.

I mean, what I’m saying now is not that different from what us lefties were all saying a few decades back! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Psst! By the Way, the Flâneurs are Coming… ;)

Psst! By the Way, the Flâneurs are Coming… ;)

Hm… I should probably be just that little bit sneaky and conveniently forget that I’ve already told you this, but:

I am setting the price of The Great Flâneur Massacre at $2.99. Hm…

Originally said ‘intended to set,’ but I’m trying to keep on your toes, like all good flâneur-professors say when their words are challenged 😉

I believe this is a fair price to pay for a first novella; particularly one which my esteemed colleagues at Glossy News weren’t prepared to turn their noses up at, when I published two samples!

I mean, these guys sure know their David Mitchell from their David Hassellhoff, or their Noel Gallagher from their… um, Gallagher. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Education0 Comments

My Novella. The Glorious Day of Epic Flâneurie Draws Ever Closer

My Novella. The Glorious Day of Epic Flâneurie Draws Ever Closer

Just yesterday I said:

My ebook novella The Great Flâneur Massacre will also be released on this date, for the princely and extravagant sum of just about $3!

Oof! I just don’t know how the hell I get away with such ruthless marketing tactics. 3 whole dollars for a mere novella that might just be the greatest thing since Swifted Jonathans! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Entertainment0 Comments

Update on The Great Flâneur Massacre: Plus Two Free Books!

Update on The Great Flâneur Massacre: Plus Two Free Books!

To celebrate my self-publishing of my first extended work of fiction, The Great Flâneur Massacre, I am providing two free gifts to past, present and future readers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

Berke Breathed Breathes Life Again Into Bloom County

Berke Breathed Breathes Life Again Into Bloom County

Berke Breathed, beloved cartoonist of the once greatly beloved cartoon Bloom County, has returned from the dead……

Oh…..

Wait a moment……he wasn’t actually dead……..

He only stopped making his cartoon for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!!!!!!!!!

Bloom County, once one of the most syndicated cartoons in the US back in the 1980’s, will be soon be showing its multicolored face in the funny papers again.

Wildly amusing and wildly drawn the series followed the equally wild adventures of Milo Bloom, a lost penguin named Opus and his side kick Bill the Cat.

Bill the Cat……..

If there ever was a unique cartoon character to illuminate the Sunday paper it was Bill the Cat. Combine the worst elements of every American cartoon cat there has ever been going all the way back to Krazy Kat when newspapers were born and you would produce Bill the Cat. And, yes, that includes and surpasses Garfield.

Both Otis and Bill the Cat became icons of the 1980’s. Otis’s homely and lovelorn images graced many a number of plush and plastic toys, his protuberance jutting outward into prominence (I’M TALKING ABOUT HIS NOSE!!!!!!!!). Bill the Cat brought such manginess to the Sunday funnies that you were afraid to touch the paper for fear of getting ringworm.

One wonders why Breathed would return to his long forgotten cartoon after so many decades.

He says he was inspired by Donald Trump’s running for President.

????????????????????????????????(very pregnant pause)???????????????????????????????

OK………………………..

Well, it’s nice to know that something good came out of Trump’s announcement of his running, other than it messing up the Republican platform real good. Not that they don’t deserve him.

I can very much imagine the humorous potential the great orange haired one can inspire in an artist. Like Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead Breathed has risen Bloom County back from the deceased.

One has to wonder what Breathed has been up to the past 25 years.
Rumors abound:

One has it that he ran off with Brooke Shields to a desert island and had twenty five years of endless sex in paradise. Or that could have just been the plot of a movie I saw once.

Another said that he had joined a cult that lived underground in bunkers with elaborate tunnels going in all directions in preparation for any number of possible holocaustic disasters. He only quit when he found out the latest tunnel he was digging was to free Pablo Guzman.

Yet another said he joined the circus and performed as a lion taming clown trapeze artist, but gave it up because it never had the satisfying wildness that his cartoons had.

Then there is the rumor that he locked himself inside his one bedroom apartment watching endless reruns of Seinfeld, Bugs Bunny, the Twilight Zone and Ice Station Zebra while eating a steady diet of cheese puffs until he went quietly mad and realized that his only back to sanity was through his artistry.

Take your pick.

Either way, Trump barging full force upon the political scene threw some switches in his soul and brought him back to reality and to modern American civilization. Let’s just hope the 25 years of being lost will not be too much of a shock to him. We all use cell phones now Berke and Captain Kangaroo is no longer on TV.

So, welcome back Berke! Nice to see you again! Be sure to bring Bill the Cat and Opus along with you!

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NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

Andromeda President: I don’t mind a few Milky Way types coming here the odd time, within reason, but they should bloody well accept the way we do things here!!!

Tearful Plutonian claims: My grandchildren are afraid of Neptunians who speak in senses they can’t understand!!! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 1. Such a Song and Dance!

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 1. Such a Song and Dance!

This is the first of two samples from my novella ‘The Great Flâneur Massacre.’

At the rather pompous academic conference which is the centrepiece of this novella in dramatic format, Stamford Rhodes (Stamp) has just presented a patronizing paper…

Where he makes clear his achingly noble desire to save Tibetans from themselves.

The very idea that not all Tibetans may agree with his criticisms of China just blows his mind! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

One tragic “unintended consequence” of the DMCA is that it has resulted in a currently unverified premature leak of a document God was planning to reveal to the world.

Or at least to those who had ears to hear.

I can’t say for sure if the following transcript is for real.

Still, I guess this is one of those things. You either believe it or you don’t.

Listen, everybody. Now, I’m a pretty nice person. I mean, there’s no one in this world who is more loving and generous than me! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism0 Comments

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