Author: TawdrySoup.Com
Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution
Bailey’s Crossroads, VA (GlossyNews) — A band of African Mountain Gorillas has arrived in Washington D.C. for a hearing in District Court to debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and challenge the findings in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that allows…
Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost
Daly City, CA (GlossyNews) — Karen Salvio came to San Francisco in 1994, a bright-eyed young woman fresh out of college. After she moved into her new apartment, she went out for the evening to have a few drinks. But…
World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo
FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.” Back in 2016, Afnan was found…
Yoko Ono Finally Admits: I Broke Up ‘The Beatles’
The Dakota, CPW, NY, NY (GlossyNews) — Rumor has it that Yoko Ono has finally admitted that yes, she may have helped break up the Fab Four. “I was young, jealous, and Asian – you do the math,“ she supposedly…
Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans
Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th. The leader of the herd, known only as Star,…
White Janitor at Alabama State Home Protests Obamacare
A white janitor working in the Alabama State Home for the Mentally Infirm is furious about the new law approved by Congress to give all Americans access to health care. “We dun had enough of this danged cooned-ass President trying…
East Texas Couple Kidnaps Baby for Facebook Pictures
Last week, a childless couple in East Texas kidnapped a baby so they could post baby pictures on Facebook. The couple, envious of their friends who are constantly posting pictures of their children on Facebook, grabbed a baby from the…
Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)
State Road 19, Near Tavares, Fla (GlossyNews) — Local man, Hank Fuller, arrived home last Wednesday and noticed something amiss. As he entered the house he could see his friends, family and at least one priest sitting in every available…
Obama Sends Sarah Palin on Secret Mission
President Obama has promised to grant Sarah Palin her biggest wish ever-an inkling of credibility- if she can locate the most wanted man in the world, Osama bin Laden, and bring back his walking cane. The “secret” mission dubbed by Democrats as the “Bimbo in Limbo” is a way to show that President Obama is willing to work with Palin, while allowing her to do something productive besides running her mouth, although she plans to feed her fans inflammatory statements via Twitter during the entire process.
Trustafarians on Spirit Quest Disappear in Jamaican Jungle
Kingston, Jamaica (GlossyNews) — The disappearance of two Trustafarians in the jungles of Jamaica has sent a mild panic through wealthy families in the U.S., who sort of wonder where their own dreadlocked dodos might be hanging out. A few…