Author: TawdrySoup.Com
Male Bonding Imbroglio Leads to Tragic Tussle with Transvestite
New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) –A male bonding imbroglio has landed two fraternity boys in the clink for attacking a transvestite who stopped to ask them directions. According to local Transvestite, Katrina Sapphire, it went down like this: “Girl-I was jus…
Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats
New York, NY (GlossyNews) –The area around the offices of Goldman Sachs in New York City and New Jersey are void of pedestrian and vehicular traffic because of an overwhelming stench resembling the smell of dirty rats emanating from every…
Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America
Memphis, TN (GlossyNews) — A raging tea partier activist was shocked to realize the America he is so angry about — was actually created by his generation. “It was quite the epiphany, let me tell you,” said 56 year old…
God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert
Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“ In an…
Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure
Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo…
Democrats Turn to Religion to Pray for Palin’s Demise
San Francisco, CA (GlossyNews) — “I never thought I would pray for somebody to flat-out die,“ said liberal turned Christian, Marty Hayes. “But I’ve been praying hard for this one. I can’t stand to hear Palin’s voice, it sounds like…
The ‘Lady Who Does That’ Suddenly Quits — Creating Office Chaos
Carla Waters, known around the office as “The Lady Who Does That,” is really not there today. Her departure has created mass confusion and outright hysteria among the customer service department of Bulger, Inc. Waters, who worked for Bulger for…
Phoenix Woman Totally Responsible for Mortgage Meltdown
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — After a week of hearings with representatives, CEO’s and Government officials at the helm when the world economy was brought to the brink by sneaky and deceptive criminal activity, Congress has ruled that the responsibility for…
Obama White House Loosens Up — Starts Gangsta Fridays
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a knee-jerk reaction to the accusation by Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) that the Obama Presidency was a “Gangster Government,” President Obama has decided to call her bluff and issue an executive order to his staff that…
Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The United States Supreme Court has declared that faceless corporations, now considered full citizens with all the rights of free speech and whatnot, can now openly carry their weapon of choice in public. During the hearing,…