Author: Rusty
Horny Goat Weed Sex Romp Homicide Attempt
A Smegmadale-on-Sea woman lured her 94-year old pensioner husband into the dark, deep woods with promises of a wild, drug-fuelled sex romp then slit his throat and left him for dead so she could rendezvous with a cyber-lover she had…
UN Convoy Delivers “Aid” to “Congo”
A UN convoy has finally arrived in rebel-held territory in the Devastated Republic of Congo, bringing supplies to some of the 250,000 refugees displaced by the civil war. It is the first aid – or meal – since the August…
Study Shocker: Public Transit Customer Service Sucks
A London Underground tube train worker has been suspended after a carriage mounted CCTV recording of him yelling at an elderly passenger and calling him a “jumped up wrinkly old git” emerged following a string of complaints by an excess…
Recycling Rules: Bin Bureaucracy
UK householders could be fined millions of pounds and face up to five years in one of Her Majesty’s overcrowded ‘sodomite paradise’ prisons if they throw food scraps and potato peelings into their wheelie bins under the EU’s draconic new…
UK Freedom of Speech Suspended
A leading UK gutter press tabloid, the Daily Shitraker, has been barred from reporting parliamentary proceedings on legal grounds which appear to call into question privileges guaranteeing free speech established under the centuries-old 1688 Bill of Rights. Yesterday’s House of…
UFO Attacks X-Files Wind Farm
Enthusiasts from the UFO organisation 13th Planet are claiming the massive damage to a Smegmashire wind farm turbine was caused by a mystery alien spacecraft from the planet Nibiru. One of the 300 foot high turbines at Doggers Clough lost…
Tomcat Registered as Hypnotherapist
While the age-old adage of “Even a cat can look at a King” might now be clichéd and threadbare the regulation of Nation Health Service medical staff – specifically qualified hypnotherapists – in the UK is so slipshod that even…
EU Gets “Ruff” as Pets Banned from Barkin’ Parks
In what community critics across the UK are calling the most stupid idea to be thought up since the last stupid idea was thought up, borough councils in England and Wales have used their draconic new EU powers to ban…
Kid’s Balloon Stunt Mobilizes Entire Nation
A six-year-old boy thought to have been carried away by a helium-filled weather balloon in Colorado was in fact hiding in the kitchen fridge – behind the remains of last Thanksgiving’s Day turkey, a Dorksborough County deputy informed Fux News….
Europe Bans Pregnancy Cheese
A supermarket has apologised to one of its teenage female customers after she was told she could not buy mature Cheddar cheese due being pregnant. Candida Muffitch, a 15-year old schoolgirl currently studying for her A-Level exams in Benefit Fraud…