NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — The recent economic downturn has delivered ubiquitous plight across America, but no other group has been as dramatically affected as the upper class. This was readily apparent by watching patrons exit one of New York’s top wine bars on Tuesday.

When Bob Plinkerton, a local caviar distributor, was asked about his downtrodden appearance, he replied, “Look, that building is full of heartbreak. You can’t get a leg up in this country anymore. I’m going to have to go home tonight and tell my wife we can only afford the medium size jacuzzi when we expand our house in the Hamptons.”

Plinkerton’s story is all too common. America’s wealthiest are suffering, as confirmed by Anna Wampler when she left the building. Wampler stated that the recession recently forced her to purchase a coach seat on a flight from New York to Boston.

“That flight was 45 minutes!” exclaimed Wampler. “I’m five-foot five. How on earth do they expect someone of my stature to fit in a coach seat? Plus, when I asked if the dessert fork would be chilled, the flight attendant laughed at me!”

In addition to these struggles, trust fund contributions from parents have flat-lined over the last quarter, forcing upper class students to personally finance up to three percent of their college tuition.

As the economy continues to plunge deeper into crisis, it appears that help must come from the less well off. We can only hope that middle class wage reductions and the elimination of public assistance will keep America’s elite at the top.