Author: rfreed
Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death
STURGIS, Mississippi (GlossyNews) — The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of…
Poor Banned from Using Money
Today in the US the upper classes succeeded in getting a bill passed banning poor people from using money. “Money is too good for them.” stated Raymond Emory III, a third generation trust funder, “They only spend it on the…
Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship
REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems. Iceland, long a self reliant land,…
We Are Taking Over This Website To Show You This Message
A MESSAGE TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES Official notification is hereby given by venue of this website to all citizens of the United States that the government of said land is dissolved and that the entity formerly known…
Disney Tries Bold Corporate Takeover Of Entire Worlds Of Fantasy
Disney Corporation has made another great stride in its endeavor to control all possible realms of consumer fantasy. With a buyout of $4 billion in cash and stocks, the great Mickey has bought the upstart Marvel Comics franchise, the famous…
Chicago’s Famous Wrigley Outsources Its Mints to Canada – The Horror
CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — The horror! The horror! This is a quote from Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the short story that inspired the movie Apocalypse Now. It is also a quote on the tongues of many Chicagoans when…
BP’s Neverending Flow of Ideas on How to Stop the Oil Spill
MOBILE, Alabama (GlossyNews) — In their never ending effort to cap the bottomless Gulf oil leak, those ever creative minds at BP are coming up with endless new possibilities to shut it down. Their highest level officials and engineers have…
Britain Invades US Over 4th of July Humiliation
Great Britain has invaded the United States of America in a fit of irritation over the glee showed during Independence day festivities, and to win back the valuable territory lost in both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812….
Cell Phone Jammer Hits the Street
SEATTLE, Washington (GlossyNews) — Instant riches have been bestowed upon Freedom From Cellular Company, the inventor of the new, anti-cell phone jamming device called “The Silencer”. This fresh creation shuts down any irritating cell phones in the users vicinity making…
US Declares Entire Gulf of Mexico a US Oil Reserve
WASHINGTON D.C. (GlossyNews) — The U.S. today decreed the Gulf of Mexico should be made into the Southern National Petroleum Reserve and should fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Military. Much like the little known National Petroleum Reserve that…