Author: P. Beckert
Meek Taking Early Inheritance of Earth and Evicting All Sinners
MUSKEGON, MI – The Meek, who are mentioned a couple of times in the Bible as the heirs to Earth*, have finally had enough of their un-meek counterparts, i.e. the Sinners, and are close to having God grant their request…
How the Rich Stole Christmas
Now the middle of classes were middler than most They had oodles of things on which they could boast. They had cars, and houses, and TVs and more They were boasting and boasting of goodies galore. Til one day the…
Duck Dynasty Christmas Not All It Was Quacked Up to Be
Christmas at the Robertsons’ homes wasn’t as merry and bright as it could have been had it not been for the family’s patriarch, Phil Robertson, spouting off about what he truly believes. Apparently Mr. Robertson didn’t get the memo declaring…
Ann Romney Accidentally Leaves Husband Mitt at Gas Station
A preview released by Netflix last week on its upcoming documentary Mitt shows the robotic Presidential candidate appearing human. While it may be somewhat of a stretch for most to believe, it is important to note that Mitt Romney did…
Tareq Salahi Crashes Ex-Wife, Michaele’s Wedding
For those of you who haven’t heard, Michaele Salahi, one-half of the duo who crashed a White House state dinner in 2009, left her boring, yet thrill-seeking husband, Tareq, and ran off with Journey guitarist, Neal Schon. The wedding occurred…
Santa Claus Forced to File Chapter 11 Bankruptcy
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, unfortunately, he can’t pay his mounting debt and therefore won’t be visiting your home with lots of toys and goodies. Due to the economic downturn felt all over the globe, Santa Claus International…
Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace
Pyongyang, N. Korea – Dennis Rodman reportedly sent a look-alike imposter in his place to supreme leader, Kim Jong Un’s palace Thursday. The leader of N. Korea is said to be hopping mad and may be readying the execution squad…
Top Celebrities Pledge to Create Thousands of Entourage Jobs
Sid Weinstock, a savvy businessman from Los Angeles, has a list of some of the biggest names in the country who are each pledging to hire several new entourage members in an effort to create upwards of 100,000 new jobs…
Dennis Rodman Missing After Jang Song Thaek’s Execution
Although the mainstream media is reporting that Dennis Rodman is still planning on traveling to North Korea next week to begin training North Korea’s basketball team, no one close to Rodman has seen him since the execution of Kim Jong…
Grown Man Overdoses on Gummy Vitamins
The FDC has issued a warning for adults who are now taking their daily vitamin supplements in the form of gummy shapes to take only one per day as they are not candy. Thomas “Tommy” Smith, of Cincinnati, Ohio is…