Author: P. Beckert
GOP Blames Rise in Lesbianism on Obama Administration
On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama gave his 5th State of the Union address. It was a mixed bag, if you ask anyone who was listening. As usual, Obama failed in his attempt to bring the country to a closer…
Sarah Palin’s Heritage Linked Back to Salem Witch Trial Era
A reading of parts of a manuscript dated to 1692, has been found to contain the surname Ward. This name, when researched, may suggest that Henrietta McAutrey, nee Ward, is a thrice-removed cousin of our own Sarah Palin. You may…
Major Paint Company Admits ‘Faux Touches’ Ploy to Sell Paint
Today, a major paint company admitted to tricking its customers into buying paint they didn’t need by introducing new painting techniques to ‘jazz up’ their living spaces, and then forcing them to buy more paint to cover up the hideous…
Jerry Springer’s Soul Begs for Release
It has been over 20 years since Jerry Springer’s soul got her first taste of trash TV. She has finally had enough, saying that she’s so over sitting idly by while her host whores himself out on national television. Finally…
Ghost of Reagan Appears; Apologizes for Trickle Down Economics
It is said that Ronald Reagan haunts the White House, and a visitor to the stately home has come forward to bring a message from Reagan beyond the grave. “He says he’s sorry for advocating trickle-down economics, and if he…
Is Duck Dynasty’s Goose Finally Cooked?
The once-popular A&E Reality Television show Duck Dynasty is slowly sinking into oblivion as more and more people are coming out of their down-filled slumber and realizing the show does nothing more than glorify redneck values. (Hey, wait a minute….
Duck Dynasty Being Sold Down the River by Ming Dynasty
Hey, Duck Dynasty. China called. They want you to pick up the boatload of crap souvenirs you ordered last month. Duck Dynasty paraphernalia isn’t flying off Walmart shelves anymore, which means that the warehouse that had once housed only (made…
Harvey Weinstein to Open Fire on NRA in Upcoming Movie
Filmmaker, Harvey Weinstein announced Wednesday that he is taking on the NRA with a zeal not seen since Michael Moore’s documentary, Bowling for Columbine. Weinstein told Howard Stern that his movie won’t be a documentary, which will give him license…
Spousal Rape: An Old Wife’s Tale
Old wives from around the globe are chiming in on VA State Senator Richard “Dick” Black’s assessment on rape in the marital bedroom. Black claims that spousal rape is not a punishable crime due to the fact that the couple…
New Pot Laws May Save/Destroy Education System in America
After seeing how much money Colorado made in just the first week of implementing its law allowing the use of recreational marijuana, New Hampshire is hurrying through legislation of its own with a vote scheduled today. With a hefty 25%…