Author: P. Beckert
Jesus Declines Dinner Invite from Congresswoman Michele Bachmann
“Sorry, Michele, I’m busy that night,” was the unfortunate reply to Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann’s invitation to dinner to none other than Jesus Christ, her personal Lord and Savior. The woman from Minnesota was crushed. “Sure, I got definite yeses from…
Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class w/o Rescue Plan
Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is…
Facebroker Replaces Facebook in Somalia
MOGADISHU, Somalia – High seas pirates tired of battling high seas and all those US and French Naval ships have decided to become landlubbers again and do what their fellow continental Nigerians are doing, scamming people from solid ground. They’ve…
Seattle Opens Innovative Self-Help Health Clinics
SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America. Based…
TLC to Air ‘This Old Crack House Hoarder Bridezilla’ Special
The Learning Channel keeps coming up with bigger and better ideas to try and garner the lion’s share of ratings in the reality television business. With Bravo shows such as the wildly famous “Real Housewives” series and “Chef” series, it…
Sesame Street Makes Top Ten List of Dangerous Places
Sesame Street is no longer the wholesome neighborhood street that children and their families flock to to enjoy an afternoon of counting and rhyming and learning some fun educational facts. It is becoming more and more a place where you…
San Francisco McDonalds Shifts Focus from Food to Toys
SAN FRANCISCO, California (Glossy News) – With the recent call of progressive groups in San Francisco demanding that McDonald’s no longer be allowed to include a toy with every happy meal, the company has shifted focus away from food and…
Cape Ground Squirrel Study: Masturbation Necessary to Avoid STDs
A recent study has concluded that male Cape ground squirrels have a reason for being one of the most prolific wanking species on the planet. They are ensuring the healthiness of their privates. One has to wonder if these study…
Entire Population Blocs Heading for Hills to Avoid Biometric “Tech”
Technological advances in how people are doing their business these days have prompted one of the largest exoduses in America. Entire close-knit groups, mainly large families banding together, are pooling their resources and heading for the rugged wilderness found in…
If McDonald’s Gets Gov Health Insurance Exemption, Who’s Next?
Rules are made to be broken and it appears that may be happening in the case of the fast food giant McDonald’s when it comes to complying with the new rules handed down under the Health Care Reform Bill. We…