Author: Mark Garrison
Gwen Stefani’s Belly Button Demands More Money
LOS ANGELES – According to TMZ, Gwen Stefani’s belly button has started intense negotiations with the singer in an attempt to receive more compensation. Despite doing absolutely nothing except being attached to Stefani’s body, the belly button (which is asking…
Pakistani Jazz Band ‘Cock Disturbance’ Jailed for Blasphemy
ISLAMABAD – Pakistani police have arrested all four members of an Islamabad based jazz band named Cock Disturbance for blasphemy. The group was arrested after performing an impromptu concert in a mosque where they called for the resignation of Pakistani…
Regular NFL Refs Die From Shock After Being Cheered
Baltimore, MD – NFL players, coaches, and fans were stunned when all seven officials died from apparent shock after receiving a standing ovation and roaring cheers for returning to their first game after a four month long lockout. The chaos…
Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya
Washington D.C. – Republican lawmakers today voted to repeal the country of Libya from the world for “causing too much trouble.” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor held up a map, pointed to what he thought was Libya and proposed legislation…
Romney Proposes Two Week Term Limit on Facts
Dayton, OH – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney today announced a controversial plan to place term limits on facts. During a campaign stop in Ohio, Romney was overheard telling a Koch brother that if elected he will immediately propose placing…
Romney Plans to Live in Large Uterus Instead of White House
Toledo, OH – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney unveiled his plan to move himself and his family into a “uterus of suitable size and structure” if elected president. He made the announcement during a speech at a Toledo go-kart manufacturing…
Apple Announces New Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn
Cupertino, CA – Apple Inc. today announced the next generation of their rainbow-crapping unicorn, the “Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn 5.” The name surprised the entire unicorn-blogging world after wide speculation that the latest Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn would be called the Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn 6…
Republicans to Change Symbol from Elephant to Jesus Holding a Shotgun
Washington D.C. – In what many are calling a sign of the Republican Party’s desperation, Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus today announced that the long standing symbol of the Republican Party, the elephant, is being replaced by an image…