Author: Liberties-Taken
Really Big Important News Story
Santiago, Chile (GlossyNews) — Posted by your new South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. In a Glossy News exclusive, Maria Lopez has learned there is a crazy conspiracy where Brazil, Turkey and Iran all want to get nuclear weapons….
Paul McCartney Ruled Dead
The Hague, Netherlands (GlossynEUs) — The EU Commission for Historicity today rendered a long awaited verdict on the status of Sir Paul McCartney. The EUCMA investigation was prompted after renewed controversy spawned by audio tapes purportedly from the late George…
Glossy News Names New South America Bureau Chief(s)
South America (GlossyNews) — Industry insiders are saying reclusive, mysterious media titan Brian K. White has struck again, in his seemingly relentless march to replace Rupert Murdoch as the planet’s leading purveyor of nonsense. In the wake of famed journalist…
Glossy News Journalist Missing in South America
San Vincente, Bolivia (GlossyNews) — Reporters Without Borders spokesperson Kay O’Varian today announced fears about the fate of legendary Glossy News writer Blake Pennywhistle. “We all know Blake. He’s like an Edward R. Murrow in our profession, except half-drunk all…
Furor Over Vampire-Werewolf Prom Date
May 19, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South America correspondent in hiding. In addition to the ever present mosquitoes, the air is thick with tension in this peaceful Southern town, regarding next week’s Prom. The…
Truce Rumored in War Against Drugs
May 14, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding. It is still too early to speak definitively, but if that busboy is correct, the United States’ longest and most costly war is…
Southern Tornado Kills Ten; Nobody Surprised
Deep South, USA (GlossyNews) — Governor Bailey Harbor today viewed the scene of last weekend’s worst storm devastation. “Yep, looks the same as every other tornado hit. I’ll get President Jug Ears on the phone; see if I can get…
Studies Reveal: Brazil is Mostly Jungle
May 8, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding. In a Glossy News exclusive, this reporter has learned most of the population of Brazil is concentrated in coastal areas, and the land…
Chavez and Castro Now Facebook Friends
Bogota North, Colombia (GlossyNews) — Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding. Sources close to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez revealed a major diplomatic coup today; Fidel Castro has accepted Chavez’ friend request on…
Arizona Gold Strike Rumored
Tucson, AZ (GlossyNews) — The mood was buoyant at this week’s Tucson Chamber of Commerce meeting. COC director Blaine Dillray addressed the recent astronomical increase in business spending. “Just goes to show that forecasts can be wrong; can’t argue with…