Truce Rumored in War Against Drugs

May 14, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

It is still too early to speak definitively, but if that busboy is correct, the United States’ longest and most costly war is nearing an end.

An open secret in this sleepy Latin American town, high level negotiations have been ongoing for several days between puritanical US forces and the ever present need among ‘Gringos’ to get more stoned than a drag queen in Iran.

According to Arturo the busboy, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton didn’t eat much of her salad, and is holding a hard line for Midwest urban areas. In a Glossy News exclusive with aid of GNN associate Consuela Lopez, who seemed to get along a lot better with Arturo than she was asked to, my opinion anyway, the following secret documents are presented.

In the proposed treaty, it’s already conceded that Drugs gets the entire west and east coast of the United States. Also, and especially, Florida.

The point of contention remains to casual observers in the Midwest over the lucrative methamphetamine market. Drugs is willing to cease hostility and surrender dominion over all Mexican cities frequented by Spring breakers and generally any Caucasian vacation destination in exchange for St. Louis, Chicago and Atlanta.

According to Arturo, who Consuela was never encouraged to exchange phone numbers with, I’m just saying? Peace between the US and Drugs now hangs on Colorado mostly. It seems Midwest cities can be divided to the satisfaction of all parties, but the ‘Centennial State’ seems to loom large in this uneasy and longed for stalemate.

This reporter was told by Under Assistant Secretary of People Who Can be Fired and Have Things Blamed On, this is really about Colorado. Ms. Dona Delgado, who is really, really hot said, “Drugs just wants the marijuana and prescription med abuse trade, but Colorado is a swing state in the Electoral College, so who knows? Hey, you’re kind of cute in a weird sort of way. Want to get a beer, or something?”


One comment on “Truce Rumored in War Against Drugs

  1. Prohibition is a sickening horror and the ocean of incompetence, corruption and human wreckage it has left in its wake is almost endless.

    Prohibition has decimated generations and criminalized millions for a behavior which is entwined in human existence, and for what other purpose than to uphold the defunct and corrupt thinking of a minority of misguided, self-righteous Neo-Puritans and degenerate demagogues who wish nothing but unadulterated destruction on the rest of us.

    Based on the unalterable proviso that drug use is essentially an unstoppable and ongoing human behavior which has been with us since the dawn of time, any serious reading on the subject of past attempts at any form of drug prohibition would point most normal thinking people in the direction of sensible regulation.

    By its very nature, prohibition cannot fail but create a vast increase in criminal activity, and rather than preventing society from descending into anarchy, it actually fosters an anarchic business model – the international Drug Trade. Any decisions concerning quality, quantity, distribution and availability are then left in the hands of unregulated, anonymous, ruthless drug dealers, who are interested only in the huge profits involved.

    Many of us have now, finally, wised up to the fact that the best avenue towards realistically dealing with drug use and addiction is through proper regulation which is what we already do with alcohol & tobacco, clearly two of our most dangerous mood altering substances. But for those of you whose ignorant and irrational minds traverse a fantasy plane of existence, you will no doubt remain sorely upset with any type of solution that does not seem to lead to the absurd and unattainable utopia of a drug free society.

    There is an irrefutable connection between drug prohibition and the crime, corruption, disease and death it causes. If you are not capable of understanding this connection then maybe you’re using something far stronger than the rest of us. Anybody ‘halfway bright’, and who’s not psychologically challenged, should be capable of understanding that it is not simply the demand for drugs that creates the mayhem, it is our refusal to allow legal businesses to meet that demand.

    No amount of money, police powers, weaponry, diminution of rights and liberties, wishful thinking or pseudo-science will make our streets safer, only an end to prohibition can do that. How much longer are you willing to foolishly risk your own survival by continuing to ignore the obvious, historically confirmed solution?

    If you still support the kool aid mass suicide cult of prohibition, and erroneously believe that you can win a war without logic and practical solutions, then prepare yourself for even more death, corruption, terrorism, sickness, imprisonment, unemployment, foreclosed homes, and the complete loss of the rule of law and the Bill of Rights.

    “A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded.”
    Abraham Lincoln

    The only thing prohibition successfully does is prohibit regulation & taxation while turning even our schools and prisons into black markets for drugs. Regulation would mean the opposite!

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