Witnesses Spot Roger Goodell Fleeing Stadium With #12 Jersey

When the confetti finally settled in Houston’s NRG Stadium Sunday night, Patriots quarterback and Super Bowl LI MVP noted something was amiss.

It seemed in the excitement, an unknown perpetrator made off with a sweat stained, body odor drenched, torn up, and oversized tee-shirt bearing the number 12.

Rumors of the apparent theft spread through social media and teammates scoured the locker room in search of the shirt.

Meanwhile, defeated Falcons fan Romeo Simone slowly sulked out of Gate B when he says he was violently forced out of the way by a hooded figure.

The figure turned back for a moment when Simone yelled, and then continued running toward the purple lot.

“It was Roger Goodell,” claims Simone. And perhaps more shockingly, “He had a Patriots jersey over one shoulder. And I think he was holding a lighter or something.”

Simone said the man he identifies as NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell hurried off into the dark long before the first “stolehisjersey” hashtag appeared on Twitter. Others have noted Goodell’s rush to get off the podium with Brady and apparent aura of guilt surrounding him in the brief exchange shared by the two.

Twitter soon erupted with reports of a fidgeting Goodell wearing a hoodie, sunglasses, and baseball cap at George Bush Intercontinental Airport shortly after the game. One man who wished to remain anonymous said he followed Goodell into a bathroom where Goodell allegedly sent a text and then intentionally smashed his cell phone on the floor.

When asked to comment, Goodell’s office stated only that the Commissioner was “indisposed.”

Author: J.B. Riggs

J. B. Riggs has no idea what he is doing here. Please inform his family of his whereabouts.