Hot Off the Press: Donald Trump Sex Scandal (& First Executive Order)

Immediately following his inauguration, President Donald J. Trump issued his first executive order; demanding records from AT&T, Comcast and other Internet Service Providers for anyone who has ever googled naked pictures of Melania Trump.

What the President intends to do with these records is unclear.

While some have suggested potential retaliation, others close to the family have speculated President Trump may intend to place printed records on a bedspread and roll over top of them after a bottle of Trump Viognier.

At press time, a representative from the Trump administration could not be reached for comment, though an unnamed source indicated Vice President Pence had just run an errand to find someone “who knows how to shred digital files.”

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