Author: E. Williams
Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician
Jackson, MS – It now appears that Republican Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran cheated and used the lowest of political tactics in his recent Republican primary to hang onto his political power at all costs. Fellow republicans now refer to Thadeus…
Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’
Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs. Hateful people took to twitter after…
Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie
Hollywood – Nancy Pelosi has agreed to appear in the sequel to the 1985 movie, Brazil. The trippy movie based on George Orwell’s book, 1984, is scheduled to be released in late 2015. Pelosi appeared in the original film to…
Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe
San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for…
Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border
Laredo, TX – The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked…
“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out
Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework.
IRS Commissioner Gollum Gets Grilled by Congress About His Precious Agency
Washington D.C. – This week has not been kind to Gollum and his “precious” agency, the Internal Revenge Service, as the creature has been on the hot seat having to answer for the mysterious disappearance of Lois Lerner’s relevant emails.
After Dismal Sales, Publisher Recommends Other Uses For Hillary Clinton Book
New York City – Publishing giant Simon & Schuster, desperate to find a way to turn a profit on Hillary Clinton’s new book “Hard Choices”, has come out with other possible uses for the book. The company hopes to entice…
Hope Solo, US Women’s Soccer Goalie, Can’t Stop Slapping Things Down
Seattle – Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be…
Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon
Middletown, NJ – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV’s classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together. Apparently, the double douchebags came to…