UN Issues Long-term Weather Forecast

Long-term worldwide weather forecast issued by the United Nations Meteorological Agency:

Unsettled conditions expected for much of the planet for the foreseeable future. In particular, we anticipate further weather extremes in the middle eastern section of the globe.

Since a large-scale western storm hit Iraq in 2003, there have been ongoing disruptions throughout that region.

Hurricane-force winds of change blew in from the United States with devastating yet fully predictable results. Extensive cloud seeding was initiated with hopes of fostering democratic growth.

Predictably, however, such seeding only exacerbated existing conditions resulting in more ethnic and religious outbreaks.

Iraqi turbulence has significantly affected weather patterns in neighboring Iran which in turn has initiated more hot air disturbances emanating from America. The resulting clash of air masses has led to a prolonged democratic drought in Syria and fears of extreme weather outbreaks in and around Israel.

Although the long-term outlook for Europe had been promising in recent years, the weather situation now looks extremely unstable and highly unpredictable. The decades-long trend towards a stable Euro-centric and NATO-centered climate was recently disrupted in Ukraine.

Look for unsettled weather patterns and increased sabre rattling throughout the Caucasus as eastern winds from Russia effect turmoil in the Crimean peninsula.

As a result, numerous outbreaks of indignation have been recently detected in America and elsewhere although it is expected that they will amount to very little and quickly dissipate. Instead, it is anticipated that Crimea will increasingly experience climatic trends similar to those of its Russian neighbor.

Afghanistan is once again experiencing meteorological uncertainty as it continues to be buffeted from various sources. So long as the prevailing westerly winds continue to blow, a measure of short term climatic stability is predicted. However, once those winds subside, there is little doubt that regressive weather patterns will return.

The Far East has seen a continuing trend of increasing free market systems restrained somewhat by the moderating influence of totalitarian regimes. Both China and Vietnam are enjoying favorable weather conditions conducive to growth but unfortunately are also experiencing large scale resultant industrial smog.

Much of sub-Saharan Africa is caught in the devastating effects of competing foreign weather patterns. Turbulent high pressure systems from the west and the east have left many countries in this region desperate for relief. Although this international activity has resulted in significant resource extraction, little or no local benefit has been seen.

Our agency will continue to monitor the global meteorological situation. However, we see little chance for calmer weather patterns in the near future particularly given the limited possibility of any change in basic human nature.


Author: Dave Martin

Dave Martin's humor and political satire have appeared in many major North American newspapers including The N. Y. Times, The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. His latest humor collection is entitled "Screams & Whispers" available on Amazon.com and he blogs at www.davespoliticalsatire.blogspot.com.