Search Results for: newt gingrich
Ideas Man Newt Gingrich Finally Solves Fiscal Responsibility Problem
The new Newt Gingrich is re-branding himself as the Ideas Man of the Republican Party, but this time he’s outdone even himself with an astonishingly innovative solution.
Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow; Predicts Six More Months of Newt Gingrich
Folks in Pennsylvania have been complaining for years about all the taxpayer money they spend on lavishing their resident star groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, with the best hole in the county and some of the finest fruits and vegetables around. For…
Can Newt Gingrich Stay Out of Trouble with Bachmann and Palin in GOP Race
In order for Newt Gingrich to be able to compete in a widening field of candidates for the GOP Presidential nomination, he’s had to come clean about his past womanizing. While no one is really buying his excuse that his…
Newt Gingrich Blames Obama for Setting Marital Standards Too High
For the second time this year, Newt Gingrich has announced nationally that he is definitely considering making a run for President of the United States on the GOP ticket. He admits he has some hurdles to overcome and addressed those…
Newt Volunteers/Threatens to Join Mars One-Way Mission (If Not Appointed to Cabinet)
(NOTE FROM WALLACE RUNNYMEDE: HERE’S A QUICK AND DIRTY ONE FROM BRIAN. NOW, I WONDER WHO THAT REMINDS YOU OF?) Fallow bucket of human compost and erstwhile DC King Maker Newton Leroy Gingrich has put up his name as a…
Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (2/2)
Last time, I explained to you how a conciliatory Newt Gingrich™ attempted to liberate America from a very clear and present danger. That’s right: the mortal peril of bigoted mudslingers holding firmly and dogmatically to merely one-sided and partisan views…
Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (1/2)
Bill Clinton has stuck his stiff neck above the parapet and wantonly defamed Newt Gingrich for his ISIS apologism. Don’t vote for this cynical, Mafiaesque “contract-killing” bastard, if he ever runs for office. Yeah, vote for someone really good, like…
Gingrich Pleads for More Pragmatism, Less Dogmatism on Stalin/Gulags Issue
Newt Gingrich, the GOP Ideas Man™ is dissatisfied with polarised views on Stalin’s allegedly atrocious human rights abuses, and he fears that a failure to compromise is holding back progress for the USA. And actually, he’s taken care (once more)…
Gingrich Halted By Month-old Shooting
BATON ROUGE, LA —EBBQ Newt Gingrich hastily called a press conference after appearing on Sean Hannity’s FOXNEWS telecast. He said in opening the sparsely attended 2-reporter conference: “I was completely misquoted in my answer to Sean where he said that…
WikiLeaks Reveals Newt-Mitt Meeting Details
Normally talkative sources from campaigns Gingrich and Romney remain silent on a recent summit between the two bitter rivals. Characterized by both camps as more a social ‘let bygones be bygones’ affair, the meeting has left election watchers wondering whether…