Honey Boo Boo Plans Comeback For 2046

7-year-old Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson says she plans to burn out soon as a child star but has already planned her ‘comeback’ for the year 2046 when she is 41 years old.

“Sure, I’m a fat child star now but my good fortune won’t hold out forever!” a very mature Boo Boo stated. “By the time I hit my teens I will be burnt out on drugs and sleeping with all kinds of losers”.

Boo Boo says she will probably lose all her money through unscrupulous managers, bad investments and a greedy mother. However, she claims the nostalgia craze will enable her to regain her fortune when she is older.

Her mother June Shannon supports her daughters future comeback. “I admit, I’m terrible at managing money”, Shannon stated. “I mean, I’m just a dumb southern housewife with this freaking talented kid and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing!”

“If I’m this obnoxious now can you imagine me in a few years?” Boo Boo asked. “I’m lucky I’m still gonna be working next year!” TLC network has renewed the show for another season.

Honey Boo Boo also pointed out that she’s not as dumb as the TLC network makes her out to be.


Women, Help End Discrimination Against Men … by Getting Struck by Lightning

I am a staunch advocate of women’s rights to equal treatment and nearly equal pay. I’ve even watched Oprah and Ellen on occasion.

But please don’t tell my golfing buddies. They would never understand.

There is no denying that women have been victims of social injustices and hardships men have rarely had to endure. I’m talking, of course, about cellulite primarily. Read more Women, Help End Discrimination Against Men … by Getting Struck by Lightning


Replacement Refs Replace Rules of Football

NEW YORK- Replacement referees, locked out referees, and team owners sat down on Monday to discuss disagreements that have arose over the first three weeks of the season. Sunday’s schedule was an outstanding example of just how creative the liberties were taken by the game officials.

The original referees are locked out after disputes over retirement plans and increased pay, the NFL has replaced them with less experienced referees, whom may have never seen a football before being employed by the NFL.

NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, explained in a press conference, “I like the out-of-the-box thinking used by some of our new officials. They also came at a good price.” Read more Replacement Refs Replace Rules of Football


Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’

WASHINGTON D.C. – Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating “47%” of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: “Obama is ruining this great nation.”

Mr. Romney came under fire Monday after a video surfaced on the alternative news site MotherJones.com in which he appeared to say: “[M]y job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives,” to which he emphatically responded: “Things are much worse than they were four years ago under this president.” Read more Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’


NFL Addresses Fan Discontent by Hiring Replacement Refs from Foot Locker

The National Football League is taking decisive action in response to complaints about horrendously bad officiating by the replacement referees, who were brought in due to the lockout of referees by the league.

The move is the culmination of events precipitated by perhaps the worst missed call in NFL history. In this week’s Monday Night Football contest between the Seattle Seahawks and visiting Green Bay Packers, a Green Bay Packer defender intercepted a pass in the end zone as the game clock expired but the referee called it a touchdown. Read more NFL Addresses Fan Discontent by Hiring Replacement Refs from Foot Locker