Posted on 04 March 2013.
Posted on 16 February 2013.
The Pope’s sudden decision to retire has caused many of the members of the College of Cardinals to criticize his intentions. Many don’t believe the retirement fund contains any resources for an actual retired Pope, and there are many that are already referring to him as the newest member of the 47%.
Posted on 22 October 2012.
GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced today that, if elected, he promises to fulfill the Bible’s promise of Armageddon and allow all faithful Mormon practitioners to achieve Rapture.
“The time for Armageddon is nigh!” Romney stated to some of his followers. “I shall lead the Mormon people to Rapture as is promised in the Bible!”
Romney claims that he is the chosen one to lead the wealthy Mormon people to the promised land and the poor, uneducated non-Mormon citizens to hell. Read the full story
Posted on 21 September 2012.
I had a limited understanding of Mormons, those of the Latter Day Saints faith, prior to 2012 when Romney became the Republican nominee… but now that he’s out there front and center, I have some serious questions to ask you guys.
I knew a few Mormons in high school, a few more in college, and a bigger handful since becoming an adult. Here’s what I would say from my experience with Mormons up until that point. Read the full story
Posted on 01 June 2011.
NEW YORK, NY—Comedians and “Fake News” Correspondents across the nation have been unable to produce any suitable material to satirize Tennessee’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill that advanced in the state’s Senate last month.
“It’s like they created the bill just to f**k with us,” one editor from The Onion told reporters, “I mean, we can’t think of anything more absurd than the proposed law itself. Read the full story
Posted on 20 May 2011.
Deputy Secretary of Defense Scott Turlock spoke from the Pentagon this week to announce news that portends even more paradigm challenges for the United States military forces.
“Well we don’t know how he got there either. Our plate’s pretty full right now just trying to make the new gay policy happen. We’ve asked Congress for money to buy bigger plates, but that’s stuck in conference right now, so we messed up. I know it’s an honored tradition in the military since World War Two, there are no ‘atheists in foxholes’ but turns out there is one.” Read the full story
Posted on 18 May 2011.
“Why are we here?”
“What is the meaning of life?”
“What’s the ultimate purpose of life?”
“Where are we headed as human beings?”
“Is there a God — a personal God as religion states?”
It is quite useless and senseless to ask these questions or hope for an definite answer since all of those who came before us for thousands of years were not able answer them. And also there are no “Real” answers to the value-laden questions that ever eludes our understanding and ever escapes our grasps. Read the full story
Posted on 10 January 2011.
Raisin, TX-The East Texas town of Raisin has found itself in a predictable predicament culminating from the holier-than-thou atmosphere that often pervades small towns across the United States.
When you approach Raisin, a town of 2500 that sits in a dale along a two-lane highway, a gigantic weathered sign depicts an intimate close-up of a strikingly Aryan Jesus on what is arguably one of his worst days. Read the full story
Posted on 06 January 2011.
THE VATICAN, ROME —BobZaguy Socio-political similarities have surfaced between the two most famous world-class conservative church leaders who publicly don’t seem to pay much mind to each other.
However, two bone-shaking statements were made a few days apart by the two men and have most of the world’s religious pundits looking for a pin to stand on. Read the full story
Posted on 23 December 2010.
Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front of me, and I’ll go to my grave believing that”, he was quoted as saying.
Fortunately for Mr. Husfelt, he won’t have to wait until he’s six feet under to find out, as the Supreme Being sent out a divine press release today confirming that He did, in fact, intervene on the board member’s behalf. Read the full story
Posted on 12 May 2010.
Lexington, VA (GlossyNews) — In a strange twist, the giant oil slick invading the Gulf Coast has blamed the capitalist pimp and preacher, known as Pat Robertson, for creating it.
“I don’t know what everyone is so upset about.“ said the humongous oil slick, when we finally caught up with it off the coast of Louisiana. “Your modern religious dogma that thinks wealth and riches are the way to heaven Read the full story
Posted on 10 May 2010.
Austin, TX (GlossyNews) — Texas Governor Rick Perry, in a tawdry attempt to poison the jury pool when the lawsuits start flying over the BP oil spill, has announced the oil well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico is “an act of God,“ while sticking to his former position that gay people are an abomination.
“It is true,” said Perry, “that an act of God is not covered by insurance policies and when it comes to a lawsuit, you can’t sue anyone over an act of God, but that has nothing to do with my statement. Read the full story
Posted on 09 May 2010.
Noplace, Ecuador (GlossyNews) — A young Christian missionary, chomping at the bit and excited that a fresh field of new pygmy souls was ripe for harvest, was distressed to find that a National Geographic photographer paid tribe members less than eight dollars each for their souls not two months before his arrival.
With Bible in tow, Christian Missionary, Jonah Thompson, was found standing in the soulless remains of a pygmy tribe outside of Ecuador, watching what looked like normal tribe activity Read the full story
Posted on 26 April 2010.
Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“
In an interview punctuated with controversy, Hardwinkel laid out his case:
“Look-I’ll make it easy for you. From day one God’s been on fire. She is very creative, which is a sure sign of gayness. Big poofy clouds, sparkly stars, sprinkly snow, outrageous sunsets Read the full story
Posted on 25 April 2010.
Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo Stinsky, was seen alongside a group of other boys beating Flutcher to a pulp.
Even the teachers are in on it now that it’s in the open and the election is finally over. Most turn their back when they see the religious ceremony begin. It usually starts with a push, or maybe a kick, Read the full story
Posted on 23 April 2010.
San Francisco, CA (GlossyNews) — “I never thought I would pray for somebody to flat-out die,“ said liberal turned Christian, Marty Hayes. “But I’ve been praying hard for this one. I can’t stand to hear Palin’s voice, it sounds like the hounds of hell to me.“
Similar sentiments are coming from millions of Democrats who never thought they’d be seen down on their knees with hands clasped and begging eyes turned upward. A Priest from an Episcopal Church that only one month ago was worried about keeping the lights on, has mixed feeling about the turn of events. Read the full story
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