Tag Archive | "marriage"

Seattle Man Finds Dream Woman On Dating Website

SEATTLE, Wash. (Glossy News) — A wealthy Seattle man, Benjamin Dover, recently decided it was time to remarry. Having divorced his wife of five years after a rather steamy sex scandal that rocked downtown Seattle, Dover sought to put the mistakes of his past aside and find companionship with a quality woman. So, as many lovelorn men today, he invested his time and money in a cyber dating service.

According to Dover, the interview process progressed fairly well, allowing him to narrow his choices to three women he had been courting online for the past several months. Read the full story


Posted in SocietyComments (0)

Newlywed Husband Uses Scripture to Write-Off Premature Performance

Jason Margwalter, or Talahasee, Florida, recently wed his highschool sweetheart. Since both of them had saved themselves for marriage, allegedly, they had high expectations for their wedding night. Not all went quite to plan, according to new bride Nichole, but thanks to the power of the Bible, Jason had a ready explanation. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, ReligionismComments (0)

Newlyweds Disappointed by “Oral Expectation” Gap

Sarah and Ted Jgorksen of Providence, Rhode Island dated for almost two years before tying the knot last Sunday in a small traditional wedding held in the Elmhurst neighborhood. While Ted assumed the $5,200 diamond solitaire would ensure a lifetime of hassle-free oral, his bride Sarah assumed she’d never again have to provide it.

“This isn’t an understanding gap, it’s more like a chasm,” said Ted, while his new bride ranted in the background, “Oh you’d like a chasm, wouldn’t you? Like that whore Kayla [you used to date in college, who offered such encounters with impunity, delight, and testicle clutching vigor].”


Posted in News In Your BriefsComments (2)

Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods Head Back to Work

Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods, who have been sharing a bachelor pad in Palm Beach, have announced that they are going back to work.

Sheen said his main motivation was that he was going “stir crazy” spending 24 hours a day with Woods.

“You can only bounce a fucking ball on the end of a golf club for so long before it becomes fucking nerve wracking to everyone else in the apartment.” Read the full story


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Tiger Woods Converts to Mormonism, Declares 2nd Wife – Seeking More?

Salt Lake City, UT – Thurl Bailey step aside, the LDS Church will soon have a new spokesmodel. In a bizarre turn of events yesterday morning, LDS Church elders in Salt Lake City announced that Tiger Woods has decided to join the Mormon Church.

Woods, who has been searching for meaning to his life like a bum searching for change, stumbled upon two Mormon missionaries over the Christmas holidays and has embraced the faith. Read the full story


Posted in Sports Scandals, SportsfolkComments (24)

Conservative Eroticism versus Liberal Eroticism

(American politics at its Best: difference in the eroticism happening inside your bedroom)

Thanks to billions after billions of dollars invested by Political Machines into the Think-Tanks and Institutes for the political myth-makers to perfect their beautiful language and rich metaphors in describing what happens in a politicized bedroom – the affairs between a husband and a wife — your voting choices have been (overly?) simplified to “What kind of man or woman do you want as a partner.” Read the full story


Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (10)

Rev. Moon Sells Off Mass-Marriage to Mormons

Sun Moon University, Seoul, South Korea —The final 10,000 Moonies exchanged their marriage vows this week. The ceremony came just before Utah’s Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, prepared to take over the franchise from Rev. Moon and his three sons. Read the full story


Posted in ReligionismComments (2)

Woman Labeled ‘Too Dumb’ to Marry, Though Technically Doable

UK social workers following the latest batch of the EU’s totalitarian Communist Federation regulations being imposed on this once-sceptered isle have banned a young woman from her own wedding in a ridiculous broughaha over whether she is bright enough to get married. Read the full story


Posted in Human InterestComments (0)

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