Yes, you got it! Several states now allow bus drivers to legally marry couples!

Ideally, the couple are passengers on the bus. However, the laws do make exceptions. If the couple is standing by a disabled vehicle or waltzing in the middle of the highway, for instance, the driver can stop the bus in the middle of the road, hop off of the bus, and marry the couple on the spot, then the newlyweds can then get on the bus, but only if they pay the full fare.

Every bus will be equipped with a “honeymoon suite,” two seats with a curtain around them. The couple will have 15 minutes to consummate the marriage at the next rest stop. Other passengers will need to vacate the bus to give the lovely couple privacy. If passengers complain the driver will beat them up. If too many passengers complain, the driver will call in a busload of off-duty drivers to quell the mutiny. Drivers are required to apply deadly force, more if necessary. The Sanctity of Matrimony must be maintained. Any two living human beings are eligible for bus marriages: man-woman, man-man, woman-woman. No incest, please! Human-beast bondings are strongly discouraged. Human-robot marriages are allowed but looked upon with scorn. Future programs include bus divorces, adoptions, and funerals. Someday, a person will actually be able to earn a college degree while riding the bus! What a world!

Author: Mark Wilt