After deciding one day not to be such an asshole I found myself with a lot more time on my hands. I had spent all my life being told, “If you weren’t such an asshole things would be a lot better around here.” It was something I’d heard over and over again.
In the end, I was surprised how untrue that really was. In fact, it turned out to be the opposite altogether. Read the full story
YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE – Misguided Parenting Strategies that Sounded Good at the Time is available for purchase as a paperback book or as an ebook at fine retailers everywhere, as well as a few shady outlets I would never set foot in. Read the full story
Dan Geddes is a true stalwart not only of Glossy News, but of humor and satire in general. He has done a lot of stand-up comedy, which you can find on his Youtube channel. I’m sure you’re not gonna die of surprise when I tell you that like every single other humorist in the history of satire, without exception, Dan is rather shy and reserved, and never likes to be the first person in the room to break an uncomfortable silence. Even so, I hope he’ll forgive me for introducing these videos to you!
Taxes and Death (And Taxes)
Taxes and death, and the taxation of the cryogenically preserved, as well as robots.
Ain’t no atheist like a disenchantment-community atheist…? Well, an outraged A Z Grimsby does indeed insist on holding forth on the purely irrational and frivolously superstitious basis of children’s toys, especially cuddly fictive animals.
I mean take dragons for example, they may be cuddly and funny and comfy and gloriously colored, flamboyantly patterned, and so on.
But they have absolutely nothing whatsoever, nothing IN THE LEAST to do with science as we now understand it.
Yes, well, if you tell your children that there MIGHT JUST be such a thing as a dragon, even leaving the question slightly open, you are giving the irrationalists an inch…
And they will undoubtedly take a mile. Or indeed ten!
Dateline: MONTREAL—Comedians gathered around an enormous round table at the World Comedy Festival to try to answer once and for all the perennial question of whether satire is supposed to be serious or funny.
According to the comedian Lawrence Flappapuss, satire is mainly about making people laugh. “Satirists make fun of things, so satire’s got to be funny,” he said. “Satire should be as funny as physical comedy. That’s why I combine the two in my act.” Read the full story
Sometimes you make a joke and it’s almost like your dog is right there with you. He doesn’t know what you said, but he’s in the moment. He gets it… the same can be said of cats precisely zero times ever in the history of the earth.
Sorry cats, but scientifically, you just you just don’t have a funny bone. This comic explains what cats actually do find funny, and how they explain it to one another. Read the full story
Ten years ago Glossy News founder Brian White had the unlikely opportunity to turn 29, and I did it, but once and only once. Today he turns 39, and likewise, promises never to do it again. Just too painful.
Back then Glossy News had a diligent, vigilant editor named Mark Fisher working with me. He’s a very funny guy, and a successful guy too, so it’s no wonder he had the good sense to move on. It’s not like they dated or anything, at least not that either of them will admit. Read the full story
Westboro Baptist Church members will be staying in Topeka, Kansas this Sunday to stage what they are calling their most important protest to date. They are going to be protesting themselves.
A statement issued by Westboro leader, Fred Phelps claims that the congregation is running out of funds to protest funerals across America, and the church is therefore re-thinking their strategy. In addition, he claims they came to the conclusion that “the gay thing” might be hitting a little too close to home, but would not elaborate. Read the full story
Tampa, FL – Mildred and Juan Scoleri were outdoors on their patio surveying the excavation work that the pool company had just finished before laying the foundation for the pool they’ve been saving for ever since Juan was still working three janitor jobs and one on the side to make ends meet. It was a dream come true; however, that dream has now turned into a nightmare. The entire state of Florida, with the exception of the lower keys, is suing the Scoleris for what they call “the total destruction of the foundation of Florida!” Read the full story
States are constantly re-inventing themselves this time of year, vying for tourist dollars. The better the state motto on license plates and brochures, the more interest they can garner, which translates into more visitors come spring and summer.
Still, some states never get it. Try as they might, their states just aren’t so great, and they ultimately end up with mediocre mottos. Here are some of our favorites of the new batch. Read the full story
For those of you who find most of their free time being eaten up on social media, but miss the old days where gladiator-style competition reigned supreme, Zygma introduces a simple fix.
Now you and your online friends can spend hours facing off against each other in a multi-level game in which feelings will be hurt, relationships ruined, and if you’re really lucky, actual blood spilled. Read the full story
A New Jersey woman has brought charges against a local yoga instructor for misleading her into believing a simple saying could solve most of her life problems.
In her complaint, Marilyn Johnson, a hairdresser from Hoboken, claims that Karma, aka Karen Smith, a yoga instructor, had repeatedly told her “it is what it is” whenever she would ask Karma about her various problems, whether at work or at home. Read the full story