Tag Archive | "gop"

Sarah Palin “Wants in” on Jesus Rifle Scopes

Upon hearing that Michigan defense contractor, Trijicon, has been supplying the US military with rifle sights inscribed with New Testament Bible passage references on them, Sarah Palin contacted the company’s headquarter offices to try and pull some strings to get a few of the rifle sights for her own hunting rifles. Read the full story


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GOP Expects Death Star Fully Operational Prior to 2012 Elections

Hard-core Republicans, also known in some circles as the ‘Evil Empire’, plan to have their Death Star fully operational by the 2012 election.

The Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’s studios ans used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. Read the full story


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The Christmas Gift of Conservatism

Once again our ConSox are bulging with these great, new (in most cases) gift ideas for those new people in your life who are discovering Conservatism and its joys. It’s never too soon to gift your son or daughter with a nice Conservative gift at Christmas. Eventually they will come to see the light and cherish what you have so gladly given them. Even that crusty old uncle Joe who never smiles any kind of thanks will get a twinkle in his eye here. Read the full story


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GOP Officially Declares Moral Bankruptcy

Washington DC – Long accused of being morally corrupt by most of their critics, the GOP today filed papers in Federal court declaring moral bankruptcy to the nth degree.

Wiping back what looked to be actual tears, Senator Lindsey Graham presented judges with the legal papers to be filed. Supporting him were The Arnold, governator from CA, and Senators Arlen Specter, PA and John McCain, AZ, bringing up the rear. Read the full story


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The Faux Tan Man (Captain Orange Strikes Again)

Mr. Tan Man, lend me your ear
Your type of thinking, I find very queer….

Who are the people who have run against John Beohner every two years since he entered Congress in 1990? I really must do a google search on this subject. Given the type of Congressman he is, these people, whomever they are, must have been perfectly horrible candidates. That can be the only possible explanation. The voters of Ohio can’t be that dumb, can they? Read the full story


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Palin Unstoppable in New York Pre-Election Win

ALBANY, NY — Professional Political Campaigner and Alaska’s Former Republican Governor Sarah Palin stacked up yet another pre-election win today against Less Formidable Republican Campaigner and Georgia’s Newt Gingrich in a state House seat battle where neither opponent resides — New York.

Palin campaign spokesperson Meg Stapleton’s spokesperson played Stapleton’s taped press statement of Palin’s hand-written statement. Read the full story


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Duct Tape to Preserve Political Careers

Washington, D.C. – It was announced today by a Republican Party spokesperson that commencing immediately, rolls of duct tape will be made available, at the entrance to the House and Senate chambers, to those Republican lawmakers who cannot seem to control themselves. “While healthy debate is encouraged in most instances, we find it necessary to impose a form of restraint at this point in the juncture on those lawmakers who are so passionate as to dishonor Congress,” said Lucy Lipsingships, Secretary of the House Decorum Committee. Read the full story


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Carville Named “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar”

Washington – Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano introduced James Carville today as the Department’s new “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar.” A political science professor at Tulane, Carville is inexplicably married to Republican strategist Mary Matalin. Read the full story


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