Tag Archive | "gop"

RNC Funding Calls for Chairman Neuvo, Hold the Mexican


Want to be the next chairman of the Republican National Committee? Take this easy essay test and send it back to the RNC in Washington. Be sure to include all your contact info so we can get in touch if we want to interview you.

Applicant questions are important because there are absolutely no ‘correct’ answers to these questions. Read the full story

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GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous


On this snowy day in our nation’s Capitol, one can feel the power of hope overtaking all vestiges of cynicism. This lame duck Congress seems to this reporter’s eyes, to be driven by a spirit of bipartisanship seldom seen in American history.

Legislative roadblocks once considered intractable are now dropping faster than Miley Cyrus undergarments. Read the full story

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Barbour Picked as 2012 Favorite, for what Remains to be Seen


Haley Barbour this week catapulted past other GOP Presidential hopefuls, a feat considered all the more amazing by leading physicists since Barbour weighs about 350 pounds.

As battle lines form for the 2012 nominating process, consensus among political veterans is that Barbour is demonstrating a shrewdness his rivals will be hard pressed to match. He now appears unstoppable. Read the full story

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Earmarks Replaced by Posthumous Pardons; Many Dead Delighted


“It was going to be a discontented winter, but now it looks like glorious summer” said incoming Congressman Richard Plantagenet on the new GOP voter outreach plan.

Speaking from his house in York, PA this week, the Tea Party favorite and former florist was proudly modest in explaining how the 112th Congress will rewrite history, literally. Read the full story

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Tom Delay Heading To Prison For Political Money Manipulation


GOP claims that under new laws it is business as usual.

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Rupert and Roger’s (enter name here) Neo-Party


It is obvious to me –I’m probably alone here– that FauxNoiz, MySpace-Dammit and Noizcorp have decided that they want to become the next Third Party in US politics. Murdoch and Ailes have made their billions on this crapo business/political scheme and now they intend to take over the whole place.

Rupi & Rog already own their airspace. So they will stage their party’s campaign completely on-air. All sponsored by those profit-producing commercials that have flocked to the network -er- political party because of Schmucko Beck. Not that they sponsor Beck. They just want to sponsor him… Read the full story

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O’Donnell Win Shortens Rove’s Political Penis Length


SKYPE DELAWARE — GlossyNews.com – Speaking on a Skype interview with Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, Karl Rove was intent on answering the question “What does her decisive victory say about your own political abilities? You’ve been quoted as saying she can’t win the November general. Then your quote/unquote nutty things don’t add up comment. Come clean here Karl, have you lost your sense of direction?” Read the full story

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Nevada Republican Senate Candidate Pimping Herself to the Media


RENO, Nevada (GlossyNews) — Sharron Angle, the Republican candidate running against Harry Reid for a Senate seat in November has an angle alright. She has come right out and told the media that she’s willing to show up on their show to talk about her campaign only if she can supply them with questions to ask her and only if she can openly ask for money for her campaign on the air. Read the full story

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GOP Rakes Obama for Buying 3 ‘Racist’ Kringles


RACINE, Wisconsin (GlossyNews) — On the way into the city of Racine, Wisconsin from the Milwaukee airport, President Obama was googling around on his Blackberry and he found a local pastry shop. From there, everything started to go wrong. Read the full story

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Palin Just a Typical Red Blooded (Necked?) Girl


Late one night last week, while she was in her compartment on the Lear60 from Fox leaving New York, Sarah and Todd were working on her autobiography. As they began to brainstorm, with the help of a ‘relaxation substance’ Sarah began to capture some of the things that make her unique.

Here is her list. One is advised to compare these items closely to any girl a feller might want to get ‘serious’ with.

How did I get this paper? Truth to power, I clean the Lear60 when it gets back to Wasilla and I found it in the trash. Read the full story

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Liberal Becomes Violently Ill While Going Undercover at Patriot Gathering


Springfield, Mo (GlossyNews) -– The weekly meeting of a group of local patriots came to an abrupt halt last Tuesday when its members came flying out of the United Baptists Freedom Church reception hall retching and cursing and holding their mouths. An outsider was the cause for the stampede. Shelley Gates, a liberal (a rarity in this town) tried to infiltrate the group to find out what they were all about but became violently ill after listening to about an hour of their rhetoric. She began throwing up on everyone around her. Read the full story

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Gov Sanford to Leave GOP; No Longer a ‘Conservative’


Columbia, SC (GlossyNews) — Conservatives, led by newly divorced adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (exR), whose marriage ended earlier this year after lying about his whereabouts and cheating on his wife, have lost their patience with the news media that continues to pry into their every indiscretion.

Sanford, who recently spent a vacation in Florida renewing his passion with his foreign girlfriend, became irate when journalists showed more interest in his lack of integrity and morals than in his feeble attempts to actually govern. Read the full story

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Obama Fails to Appoint Deist to Supreme Court


Washington DC (GlossyNews) — President Obama, refusing to yield to the demands of Tea Party agitators, has once again failed to appoint a Deist to the Supreme Court.

Obama has announced that he will nominate Elena Kagan to the court, choosing a Jewish woman to preside over the legacy of the white, Deist, Founding Fathers. Read the full story

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Dems Respond to Vampire Corruption Charges


WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — It began with whispers and raised eyebrows, then quickly became a prairie fire. So far only the venerable Helen Thomas, speaking at D.C.’s popular Make It Look Like a Business Expense Bistro, has found courage to say that this may be our generation’s Watergate, or worse. Read the full story

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David Cassidy More Popular than Sarah Palin?


Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) — The Republican National Committee (RNC), in a move that now appears to have backfired, recently conducted a number of related polls designed to demonstrate the popularity of Sarah Palin. The RNC refuses to release the data officially, but sources within the RNC’s central council have revealed that Americans chose aging pop star David Cassidy nearly 2 to 1 over the fading politician. Read the full story

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Tom Tancredo’s Teen Traveling Companion Shot Dead in Georgia Convenience Store


DENVER, Colorado — As an advocate for eugenics, former Colorado congressman Tom Tancredo is hardly a trailblazer. He follows in the footsteps of pioneers such as Strom Thurmond, George Wallace and David Duke. But what Tancredo lacks in originality, he makes up for in spirit. Read the full story

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