Tag Archive | "conservatives"

New Conservative Book: Everything We Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten

The Republican Party in conjunction with FOX News is celebrating their collaborative publishing effort, a new book called ‘Everything We Need To Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten’. Its publication has started such a buying frenzy among their constituents who can read that it rivals the success had by the coming out of Sarah Palin’s ‘Going Rogue’. The pundits of both groups are partying like it’s 1899. Read the full story


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Anti-Obama ‘Satire’ Written by Zombies?

Much to the dismay of intelligent people the world over, anti-Obama satirists have become robotic, even predictable, running the same treadmill every day in an effort to bring him down. Their constant decrying of the President, no matter what he does, boils down to the same tired formula – ‘Obama bad, Obama stupid, troglodytes good’. They have gone on autopilot with their complaints. Their feeble, anti-intellectual, reptilian nerve ganglia spits out constant spiteful bile at any new Obama policy. Zombie-like, they seize upon any live meat they see and chew it to death. Read the full story


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Limbaugh Draws Outrage from International Sources

UN HEADQUARTERS, NEW YORK — In an amazing show of quick response today, the governments of Canada, Great Britain, Costa Rica and Cuba introduced a resolution into the United Nations proceedings that bans Rush Limbaugh from entering their countries over the next 10 years.

The UN Ambassador of Canada, John McNee, spoke as the head of the new organization, Globally Ban Limbaugh Travel Quickly, a/k/a GBLTQ — not to be confused with GLBTQ, a national organization of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer men and women. Read the full story


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Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen.

Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed that he is a hundred times better at predicting things than any psychic. “For years, I’ve been telling my viewers how fed up they are and how screwed they should feel, and now, after this past election, how I thought things were going to get ugly. Read the full story


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Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor, the show’s namesake reminded his audience that O’Brien once worked for FOX as a writer for The Simpsons, before “that unfortunate marijuana business.” Read the full story


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Do Tea Partiers Still Pretend to Miss Georgey Bush?

A sign board has appeared along a Minnesota road asking passerby’s if they miss the days of George W. Bush’s presidential rule. Apparently times are so bad for some that they will go to that length in nostalgia. Some seem to remember fondly the days when we believed in simpler things, like a ‘won’ war in Iraq in which no one counted the dollar cost of it or the body count on both sides. Read the full story


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Palin Inspires Tea Party Audience with “Tell Off” Stories

Ashland, KY (GlossyNews): Former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, continued her outreach to the Tea Party movement this week, speaking before a group of Tea Party activists outside Ashland.

Palin was warmly received by the $150 per ticket Tea Party rally attendees, who stood up in thunderous applause as the former Governor related a series of “Tell Off” stories from her personal life where she perceived herself as getting the upper hand in a series of verbal and “cultural” confrontations. Read the full story


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“King” Rupert Murdoch — Australia’s Revenge On America

An incredible subversive plot has been uncovered in America that could erode the very foundations of our democracy.

Angered over the U.S.’s alleged covert interference with their politics in the ousting of Prime Minister Gough Whitlam in 1975, Australia has hatched an incredible, long term plot to bring the giant nation down.

Spearheaded and personally put into action by super Australian newspaper magnet Rupert Murdoch, the Aussies concocted a plot that hit directly at America’s Achilles heel- our political naivety. Their devious plan was to create a media empire that would wave the American flag and pretend to be super patriots, but in reality convolute America politics to such an extent that it would be the basis for setting up a right wing dictatorship. Read the full story


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Sarah Palin Proudly Earns GED — And Real, Not Honorary

Sandpoint, ID (GlossyNews) — Sarah Palin may not be smarter than an inner-city or deep-south fifth grader, but on Friday, she’ll earned something few 5th graders have — a high school diploma; well, a high school equivalency certificate, at any rate.

After months of intensive study at a secret compound in Idaho, former gubernatorial quitter Palin has successfully completed the requirements for her GED, including the “trying” written test. Her success comes well ahead of the 1 -year deadline she backdated for herself in hindsight. Read the full story


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Conservatives Quickly Devise Cheap Plan to Counter Obamacare

The conservative parties of America have realized that they need to come up with a new health care system or stand in danger of losing the millions they have invested in the dysfunctional system that is being assailed by the Obama administration. Working overtime to beat the new system before it beat them, they finally hit upon the following brilliant proposal which is a win-win concept for them: Read the full story


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Thurmond Tried to Swap MLK Day for Stonewall Jackson Day

Legendary confederate statesman Strom Thurmond one time tried to trade away a holiday to celebrate the life of Civil Rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr in exchange for a national day honoring Confederate General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson, who was born on January 21, 1824.

Thurmond’s behind the scenes efforts late in his life were revealed this morning in personal papers only recently released to the public. Read the full story


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Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News

A virulent outbreak of rabies was reported today at Fox News Headquarters. The horrible madness inducing disease appears to have spread through the top hosts of the station, then been transmitted to station employees and, strangely, even to their listeners. The initiation of the epidemic seems to have started with Sean Hannity who, in the middle of his show, started foaming at the mouth.

“This was nothing unusual with him.” stated Red Bigneck. Read the full story


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Hoekstra Sets Preemptive 2010 Yemeni Strike

Lansing, MI – Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) publicly stated his plans for the Michigan National Guard if he wins election as Governor in 2010: “I’ll lead a preemptive strike to Yemen. I’ve been leading on national security for the last nine years in Congress. Trying to drive this administration in a policy direction that keeps America safe. Obama hasn’t shown interest in my concerns here, so I intend to strike with the reconstituted Michigan National Guard in Yemen.” stated Hoekstra with a satisfied grin. Read the full story


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Right Wingers Send The Obamanator Back In Time To Set Things Right

January 2013- Republicans, their plans for world domination foiled by the overwhelming win in the presidential election that again brought Barack Obama to the throne of the most powerful country in the world, are upset. In anger over their bitter loss, the right wingers have initiated a plan to return them to power. Pooling their vast resources into a secret project overseen by the Halliburton Robotics Division they have invested great time, energy and money into building a specialized cyborg to go back in time and rid the world of Obamaism. Read the full story


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Paliens Infiltrate Sarah Palin Events to Undermine Conservatives

Little is known about the group calling itself “Paliens” but sources have indicated that they are a group of clairvoyants who are secretly infiltrating Sarah Palin events and using their supernatural powers to alter the intelligence of Palin herself to undermine the chances of the conservative party picking up any further senate seats in 2010. It is believed that the Paliens are part of a larger, more universal group that goes by the name “Libertaliens.” Read the full story


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Catholics Refuse To Recognize Ronald Reagan As A Saint

The Catholic Church today rejected the Republican Party’s attempt to have Ronald Reagan canonized as a saint. The Republicans have been striving for some time to win over the Church to their viewpoint of Reagan as being divine, but the Catholics have rejected their proposal on the following grounds:

A. Reagan was not a Catholic. Everyone knows that only Catholics can be saints. Read the full story


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