The Living Death of Theresa May: How Long Can London’s Most Notorious Political Zombie Cling On?

George Osborne notoriously (some would say renownedly!) compared Theresa May to a ‘dead woman walking.’

But it’s worse.

It’s far, far worse.

People are even comparing her to Anthony Eden, often considered the worst PM in UK history; although Tony Blair is obviously a close second, after sending my country to war on the basis of deliberately fabricated intelligence.

How bad is it then, really? Well, not only has Treason Tess suffered some resignations, & not only have they been pretty quick, & not only have they been in the face of a crucial Commons vote where (if my intel is correct) she is being torn to shreds by Tories before Labour even have the chance to stick the knife in!

Yes… Not only all this. In addition to all I’ve just said, the resignations themselves were actually very, very significant. Let’s consider, first of all, the significance of the first one. Northern Ireland secretary? That’s ALMOST as bad as it gets, when you consider the border issue. Shailesh Vara is of Gujarati descent and he knows a thing or two about foreign occupations, no doubt! As well as constructive resistance tactics against hostile foreign powers. He truly is the UK’s Gandhi of today.

How could it be any worse for Traitor Tess? The Northern Ireland issue is extraordinarily sensitive; this must be in the top three or so possible worst possible resignations or so, easily! And the fact that that Vara is the first one is absolutely catastrophic; nothing like starting off with a bang, huh?

But it gets worse. It is hard to think of anything more utterly humiliating than the actual Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, resigning in disgust. Is he fleeing a sinking ship and leaving Tess to flounder in the waves, or is he making a principled, patriotic stand against May’s utterly unbelievable deal? Either way, this is an utterly sickening blow for May; not so much a ten ton sucker punch, as a ten ton kick to the balls!

And then there’s Suella Braverman, the actual Brexit minister, as well! Plus Esther McVey, the Work and Pension Secretary.

Four unbelievably punishing blows!
Have we had enough punishment yet?
Never in the entire history of the UK has there been such a human dumpster fire in the House of Commons.

Not even the Baghdad Bomber himself.

We won’t be talking about bringing back the ashes.

There will simply not be one atom left upon another.

May’s legacy will be just as firmly eliminated, as if she had never even existed.

Even wholesale Deobamafication of America under President Donald J. Trump looks like a mundane Old Firm pub brawl, in comparison to the marvellous act of scorched earth political genocide underway here.

I don’t think I’ll ever see anything like it again, should I live a thousand years!
“Rise like Lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number-
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you
Ye are many-they are few.”

Originally published on Medium.

Video version on Youtube.

The foregoing are the author’s own personal views, and do not represent Glossy News in any way.

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Author: Wallace Runnymede

I've been writing satire for many years, and I've been published on many sites! Follow me on Twitter, and have a look at my books on Amazon! I've also had some poetry published by Sad Press recently: look out for 'Centrifugue!' I am also a founding member of the #AutisticDarkWeb: check the hashtag out on Twitter! Money's tight, so please consider dropping me $1 a month on Patreon (see link below). All my Patreon subscribers get certain benefits, including exclusive content, way in advance of anyone else!

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