Search Results for: obama
Leaked Obama War Room Transcript: Baby, I Need Your Lovin’
The following is a rush transcript of a recording leaked to GlossyNews.com by an anonymous administration source who continues to forswear makeup and insists she will not challenge President Obama’s nomination. Our audio experts verify the tape has not been…
Students Rejoice at Permission to Call Professor Obama by First Name
AMERICA—Young people across the country got warm and fuzzy on Friday when Professor Barack Obama signed a class-wide email “Barack.” With the email, students now have unofficial but presumptive license to address Professor Obama by his first name.
Obama Apologizes For Time It’s Taken To Clean Up Bush’s Mess
President blames himself for underestimating extent to which his Republican predecessor managed to f*ck everything up. WASHINGTON – In a conciliatory address to the nation today, President Obama apologized for the amount of time it has taken for him to…
Obama’s New Running Mate – Anti-Biden Shocker
It came out today that President Obama will replace Joe Biden as his running mate for the 2012 presidential election. Beyonce will be filling in for the stodgy old senator. Her star power will surely add the glitz and glamor…
Obama Defeats Romney in Hollywood Version of 2012 Presidential Election
LOS ANGELES – In a classic Hollywood ending that left audiences cheering and wiping tears from their eyes, President Obama triumphed over his Republican rival Mitt Romney in the 2012 U.S. presidential election, after staging a stunning come-from-behind upset that…
Truck Spills Thousands of Gallons of Beer; Obama Declares Day of Mourning
VOLUSIA COUNTY, FL – A semi truck carrying thousands of gallons of beer overturned in Volusia County early Tuesday morning, spilling beer over the northbound lanes of I-95. Police say hundreds of cases of bottled beer were lost in one…
Barack Obama Thanks Bristol Palin for Unsolicited Parental Advice
Barack Obama made certain that he acknowledged the wise words he received indirectly Friday from Bristol Palin with regards to his stance on same-sex marriage. “We are just incredibly thankful to have someone as mature and wise as Bristol Palin…
Porn Industry Backs Obama Re-election
Anita Bryce-Flaverhaven is a petite woman many would describe as soft-spoken. She sits behind a walnut desk in an office among the skyscrapers that comprise the Sacramento skyline. All around her are mementos denoting a vibrant family life away from…
Despot Job Loss Linked to Obamanomics
In yet another bad sign for President Obama, dictator unemployment numbers rose sharply again this month. Partisans at both ends of the political spectrum were quick to take expected stances, but all agree on one thing. Tyrants have been among…
Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems
WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic…