In yet another bad sign for President Obama, dictator unemployment numbers rose sharply again this month. Partisans at both ends of the political spectrum were quick to take expected stances, but all agree on one thing. Tyrants have been among the hardest hit in a global recession that shows little signs of abating.
In a nation that once thought itself insulated from the world’s troubles, Americans reacted with shock and sadness on news the despot downsizing trend strikes our homeland too. Burger King has been fired.
Sources close to events say the creepy child scaring mascot went quietly with honor, and two suitcases full of cash. Burger King is rumored to now be living in Venezuela. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham-Clinton said, “The Burger Spring could overall be a very positive development. God, I just hope those Muslim Brotherhood bastards don’t hijack that too.”
Historians agree absolute monarchists have generally been accepted in the United States, citing the success of Prince, King & Queen sized beds, the 1950’s show “Queen for a Day” and of course Adam Lambert. But experts caution this is no ordinary time. A mood against Kings, Queens, Dear Leaders, Presidents for life and gaily dressed Arab Colonels seems to be sweeping the planet. Historians also agree they’re lucky to have a job that amounts to saying “On the other hand” quite often.
Reached for comment via famed psychic John Edwards, Marie Antoinette’s ghost was quick to link the despot unemployment rate to Obamanomics. “Well first, I never told anybody to eat cake. I just want you to know that. But sure, this is all Obama’s fault.
Look? You’re the biggest economy on Earth. If that stupid stimulus package had worked, it would’ve peed on the peasants. No, that’s not right. How you say, ah yes ‘trickle down’ N’est ce pas? So this is all a failure of Obama’s stimulus package. And while we’re at it? That Louis XVI was a sweet guy, but his package wasn’t very stimulating either, if you know what I mean.”
In a totally unrelated development, Dairy Queen today announced it will now be called ‘Dairy Sharia Law.’