Porn Industry Backs Obama Re-election

Anita Bryce-Flaverhaven is a petite woman many would describe as soft-spoken. She sits behind a walnut desk in an office among the skyscrapers that comprise the Sacramento skyline. All around her are mementos denoting a vibrant family life away from work. Photos of rafting trips on the Colorado, birthday parties, and hand drawn Mother’s Day cards adorn the walls.

Few who share daily elevator rides with Anita would guess she is the leading spokesperson for California’s only remaining industry: skin flicks. As media liaison for the Association of Adult Retailers and Services, Ms. Bryce-Flaverhaven has travelled the world advocating free market treatment for the pornography business. There is one thing she hasn’t done that really seems to bug her. She hasn’t testified before Congress.

“Yeah, it gets our goat here at AARS. Republicans have rhetoric about American jobs. Well here we are, American businesses employing thousands of Americans and we get nothing. We’re stigmatized for providing millions of people exactly what they want, and finding a way to be immensely profitable while doing it. We’re the actual American success story, where people can earn big money while being slowly grinded up into ittsy-bittsy dehumanized pieces and end up jumping from tall buildings. Isn’t that what happens on Wall Street too? So that’s one reason we’re behind Obama in 2012. This GOP talk about entrepreneurship stops cold when it reaches the adult entertainment sector.”

According to Ms. Bryce-Flaverhaven, the main reason for Obama support is a wealth of skin flick movie ideas provided in the past few years. “No doubt, had he closed Gitmo as promised during the 2008 campaign, it would’ve cancelled out a $300 Million franchise. We’ve got Git Mo’ whatever movies out the wazoo. They’re some of our highest grossing films, and I mean ‘highest grossing’ in every sense of the phrase. Also, that Seal Team Six thing has been very good for us. ‘Secret Lives of Bin Laden wives’ won some kind of award I think. But this recent Secret Service sex scandal? That’s like manna from heaven! I talked to Bob over at our Sex with Authority Figures unit yesterday, and he said SWAF is working around the clock on this one!”

The interview was cut short, as Garrison and Ashley had a play date scheduled with the Walker children, and soccer practice later.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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