Category: Top Stories
Bangladeshi Woman Rescued After 17 Days Told “Get Back to Work”
Bangladeshi rescuers pulled a garment worker alive from the rubble of a building 17 days after the collapse and immediately ordered her back to work. Referring to her time buried alive as “17 days unauthorized vacation”, the garment factory she…
Slime looks forward to joining cesspool in U.S. House
The gelled waste that once held office as South Carolina Governor has been elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. The win marks a major political comeback for the slime, Mark Sanford, who resigned after an extramarital glop in 2009….
Chris Christie Kills Spider, Triggers Collapse of Western Civilization
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie unintentionally set forth a sequence of events that will ultimately lead to the fall of the United States government and all of Western civilization when he smashed a tiny spider last week. The spider, which…
White House Administration consults with Department of UAV secretary Ryan YQM-98A R-Tern
Following a previous filibuster of John Brennan’s nomination to be CIA director, the Obama White House is said to be having closed door meetings with Department of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles secretary and well known developmental reconnaissance drone Ryan YQM-98A R-Tern…
Coscto Auto-Parts Offers Big Discounts, Bigger Quantities
This week Costco, a warehouse consumer outlet known for low prices on large quantity items, opened it’s first auto parts outlet in Kirkland, Washington. “People want low prices, and we deliver that with volume,” said division manager Marckus Baech. One…
U.S. considers sending sympathy cards to Syria rebels
The White House is considering sending sympathy cards to Syrian rebels, officials said, but no arrangements have been made. A decision to supply sympathy cards would indicate a change in the Obama administration, which has resisted repeated requests to expand…
Shaking in Fear, Oil Covered Congress Presses Obama to Approve Keystone XL Pipeline
Covered in what appears to be various amounts of crude oil, Congress is increasing pressure on the Obama administration to approve work on the long-delayed Keystone XL oil sand pipeline. They argue that the pipeline, which plans to carry large…
Obama releases children’s book as ‘full legal basis’ for drone strikes
In response to House Democrats demanding that President Barack Obama release information on the White House Administration’s use of drone strikes, congress was sent a copy of “Our Friend Danny Drone,” a children’s book written by Obama. Inside sources have…
Pro-knife movement to arm unborn babies
Congress Steve Stockman (R-Texas), pro-knife advocate, has introduced H.R. 1526, the Weapons for Unborn Act of 2013 – a bill to require doctors performing abortions to arm unwanted fetuses with a choice of close combat weapon. “I have one concern:…
Lawyer Files Class Action Suit Against State Farm Insurance for False Advertising
Blase Inzina has filed a class action suite against State Farm Insurance for claiming that reciting their company jingle would bring an instant representative followed by mystic gain and benefits. State Farm customer Sheila Potekin said her car was attacked…