It has already started, the “What were you doing when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden was killed?” Most of us were getting ready for bed or already there on a Sunday evening when the news broke. Not much else to remember, just that as soon as we heard, we couldn’t turn off the television. Continue Reading

Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born citizen” of the United States. Proposals include:

1) Demanding to know whether Obama was delivered by cesarean section or by “natural” child-birth. Continue Reading

The following missive was delivered soaking wet with mud stains to the local publisher of dead, compressed tree pulp with black ink smathered across it:

Dear Aspen Daily News,

It is a great grievance to me to have not been invited to participate in your April 10th ‘Meet The Politicos’ special. Continue Reading

VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate.

I thought I had 2012 sealed in a jar with the Birth Certificate issue but that was blown away when he made it public last week. Much to my displeasure, I had to take all the credit for that reveal. But we lost our one best universal hate. All we, as a country, had left to hate was bin Laden — now a dead bin Laden. What’s to hate there?” Continue Reading

Islamabad, I think it was last week – GlossyNews.com – After two decades of military operations spanning four continents, at a cost billions of dollars and thousands of U.S. and coalition lives, Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden died suddenly last week.

Sources in Pakistan say he was found slumped in his bathroom. Bin Laden’s physician, Dr Ibrahem Patel, said he was still in shock over the incident. “One minute he was with us. Continue Reading

HELENA, MT. – With his “Burning Corn Cob Juggling Act” on the skids, Democratic Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, brazenly rejected 17 Republican bills using a red hot branding iron.

Frenetic steers in the crowd collapsed at the sight of the violent display and subsequent burning paper. Understandably irritated Republican leaders said that, “The juggling act was really cool, especially with the dancing sheep, but this branding gimmick is just a mockery of the system.” Continue Reading

Washington DC – GlossyNews.com – According to the most recent government data available, Uncle Sam’s civilian workforce may have topped 3 million as of March 1, 2010, says spokeswoman Audrey Slaberman.

“This is a truly remarkable achievement,” says Slaberman, “that over the course of the worst economic downturn in eighty years the federal bureaucracy continued to put on fat just as it did in the previous upturn. Presidents come and go all claiming they will slenderize this insatiable beast but it just grows and grows.” Continue Reading

Tripoli Zoo, Tuesday: In a secret satellite conference last Tuesday, Libyan dictator Muhammar Gaddafi reportedly told NATO he had disarmed all of his Guerrillas and he “no longer wanted bloodlessness.”

“No word of a lie. What I say is true. I have taken away my gorillas arms and I want similarly unarmed peacekeepers to enter the Libyan capital of Tripoli as soon as humanly possible,” said Gaddafi, whose stronghold has until now remained impenetrable. Continue Reading

Reports are coming out of England that part of the cost of throwing one of the most lavish weddings of the decade will be borne by British taxpayers. Unfortunately, with the economy pretty much still on a downward slide, this news could not have come at a worse time for the royal subjects.

To soften the blow, the Queen has come up with a plan that she hopes will take the sting out of bearing some of the burden for a wedding that is rumored to be overpriced and which most of them may only get to attend by watching it on the telly. Continue Reading

Yet another indication that Donald Trump is absolutely serious about running for President is the fact that he has just listed his all-glass NY mansion for sale this weekend.

The home, a stunning 8 bedroom, 9-1/2 bathroom home is one of the most unusual homes in the older, reserved neighborhood of Old Wesbury, NY.

Boasting “more windows than a cathedral,” Trump is allegedly selling the property due to recent events that he says could very well bring harm to his property, a prediction made a long, long time ago by his grandmother. Continue Reading

NEW YORK – Jumping on the protest bandwagon, which began with a carefully orchestrated campaign of coddled working and middle class protesters in Wisconsin and elsewhere fighting to retain their grossly overpaid wages and awesome HMO benefits, the wealthy minority of America’s oppressed upper class are staging a counter protest to keep their inheritances and legally stolen wealth, plus interest. Continue Reading

The quest for definitive evidence that Barack Obama was born (or not born) in the United States is heating up once again. This time, it is millionaire Donald Trump (or billionaire if you’re asking Trump himself) who is leading the scavenger hunt. Tired of all of the hubbub about where he was born, the President is finally taking matters into his own hands by offering up an authentic treasure map to throw Trump off the birther scent. Continue Reading

People who earn horse choking sums by predicting events that never come to pass find themselves choking in light of the current government shutdown.

Consensus among pundits had predicted an imminent budget showdown due to efforts of Democrats eager to portray the GOP as heartless, and freshmen Republicans ready to demonstrate their budget cutting bona fides. Nobody foresaw that government shutdown would come due to the hospitalization of the entire Senate and House of Representatives. Continue Reading

Polling across the world has indicated that many people, especially in America, consider Dick Cheney to be “the worst President in history.’

Cheney, using someone named ‘Bush’ as a front man, controlled and manipulated U.S. political procedure to the point of near-dictatorship. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON DC – An emergency meeting was convened today between President Obama, top Japanese officials, members of the IAEA, General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt, and several nuclear industry leaders, to discuss ways to save the precious fuel rods from the crippled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant before it succumbs to the dreaded “Chernobyl Solution.”

Concerned that the fuel rods will be buried forever under a giant mound of concrete, the task force, which is being dubbed Save All Nuclear Energy (or SANE), consulted with a panel of experts to determine the best method for retrieving the coveted radioactive material from the reactor core. Continue Reading

Yet another criticism of our “fearless leader” has been brought to light by those forces who are ever vigilant on keeping an eye on those treacherous liberal elements that have infested and are now running our great country.

It has come to surface that Omnipotent Obama is left handed! As we all know, things of the left hand are often associated with evil or inferiority. In Japan, left handed children were be killed because they were considered evil. Continue Reading