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Trump Shakes Things Up with Bold Cabinet Appointments

Trump Shakes Things Up with Bold Cabinet Appointments

Donald Trump has wasted no time putting his signature on his new administration. In what some critics are calling a scarily bad case of Opposite Day, President-Elect Trump so far has chosen an Education Secretary who has never held any position in public education, a HUD Secretary with no previous experience dealing with public housing, a Secretary of State with no history in international diplomacy, and an EPA Head who believes climate change is a myth.

In a similarly bold fashion, Trump’s latest Cabinet appointments are sure to win praise from supporters hopeful that he will turn back the clock (to 1953) and destroy unnecessary, wasteful government programs like Obamacare, banking regulation, Social Security and the environment. Continue Reading

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Who Needs Real News When Fake News Is Way More Fun (It never stopped Fox News or Donald Trump)

Who Needs Real News When Fake News Is Way More Fun (It never stopped Fox News or Donald Trump)

Fake News Fer Sale! Git Yer Fake News Right Here!

Suddenly fake news stories are the In Thing and do we have ’em here for you!

Get in on the latest fad and power trip going- fake news stories! Amaze your friends! Harass your enemies! Embarrass your mom!
We have them for you here in all shapes and sizes. And all political, ethnic, social and gender variations.

Need a story to make Trump look like a hero- got ’em right here for ya!

Need a tale that makes him look like a chump? Got that too. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island

Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island

Let me just say Richard Condon was wrong. The Manchurian Candidate is from Moscow and he ain’t brainwashed. Nothing about the recent election would make for a decently plausible political thriller or even proper parody. I know truth is stranger than fiction but damn!

There is an eerie symmetry in reality sometimes, parallels between two totally unrelated items that can’t be ignored.

So in the immortal words of Rod Serling, spinning in his grave like a top, presented for your consideration, meet Mr. Donald Trump, unlikely presidential candidate who found himself in the most powerful office in the world….somewhere, on Gilligan’s Island. Submitted for your approval, five ways a Trump presidency is like Gilligan’s Island.

1) A year ago the Trump candidacy was viewed as no more than a three hour tour.

2) Like the Howells, The Clintons seem to carry a lot more baggage than the rest of the castaways. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories6 Comments

Week 11: Texas A&M falls. Clemson, Alabama, Michigan Rise

Week 11: Texas A&M falls. Clemson, Alabama, Michigan Rise

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When Donald Met Nigel (A Comic Dialogue in Two Annoying Parts)

When Donald Met Nigel (A Comic Dialogue in Two Annoying Parts)

NOTE FROM WALLACE: Welcome Appleseed Ike, of Satirical Industrial Complex! This is Ike’s first piece for Glossy News.

***

When you hear about a meeting between Donald and Nigel you’d stereotypically picture two ageing, dogmatic men. What happens is far worse than a stereotype.

D- Hey British guy, why don’t you start by telling me about your crooked plan to get rid of Theresa May… not be very good for Britain. Ha. They can’t imagine it! Sad.

N- Well, it’s quite genius really. First you show some turbulence between the USA and Britain. This will create worry and confusion because of Brexit…

D- I love Brexit. Awesome! They tell me about Brexit. I know Brexit. Nobody does Brexit better than the Donald. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Acceptable Racism Breeds Unacceptable Racism

Acceptable Racism Breeds Unacceptable Racism

Guess what?

If you condemn moderate ‘honest brokers’ on the Israel issue and accuse them of ‘complicity with evil,’ then you open up the ground to bigots screaming ‘Zioliberal! Zionazi!’

If you insinuate Arabs and Eastern Europeans are animals who must be brought to heel via humanitarian aggression, then you legitimize leaders who talk about banning Muslims or who make indiscriminate accusations of rape and pillaging against Mexicans. Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

Gone But Not Forgotten: John Kerry Meme Tribute

Gone But Not Forgotten: John Kerry Meme Tribute

 The High Sultan of Flip-Flop will soon shuffle mournfully off the political scene. But let’s remember some of the highlights of John Kerry’s career.

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

After being betrayed by the ‘faux progressive’ DNC establishment, Bernie Sanders is trying to console himself by making a radical career change.

He is now fronting a new Patti Smith Tribute Band.

Here’s Bernie now, with his:

Rock ‘n’ Roll Riggers!

***

Bernie was a maverick,
Bernie was a bro!
Bernie got votes and then Bernie got bigger…
Bernie got something, Hillary got more!
Bernie was betrayed by the DNC riggers Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

Everyone’s Entitled to Their Opinion, Right? (SPOILER: No, You Aren’t)

Everyone’s Entitled to Their Opinion, Right? (SPOILER: No, You Aren’t)

This post is inspired by a certain post-election viral tweet by Xannie Woodard, where she says:

Please stop telling people to respect others’ opinions. That’s for things like “I don’t like coffee” not for “I don’t like black people.

***

The whole Trump thing on choices or convictions kind of reminds me of people who say ‘everyone’s entitled to their opinion!’

So, if you think the earth is flat (or 6 000 years old!) or the world is controlled by 9 foot lizard men from outer space, then ‘I’m entitled to my opinion,’ so you shouldn’t challenge it! Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

An ‘Inconvenient’ Parable

An ‘Inconvenient’ Parable

I wish Tony Blair would just go away.

He’s like a clingy one night stand that keeps calling you up every now and then at 3 am, completely out of the blue, in order to tell you who much he loves you and giving you unsolicited advice about how to live your life and manage your affairs! Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Male/Female Sex Ratios and Neurodiversity Revisited (2/2)

Male/Female Sex Ratios and Neurodiversity Revisited (2/2)

One of the problems with this line of thinking is that similar ratios have been reported in other developmental disorders. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyslexia, intellectual disabilities, and stuttering are among those. The social problems of autism do not exist in these conditions and it would be a lot harder to hide them; a dyslexic either has difficulty reading or doesn’t, a stutterer either talks fluently or doesn’t. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Is Craig Wright Really Satoshi Nakamoto?

Is Craig Wright Really Satoshi Nakamoto?

Earlier this year is seemed that a great mystery had been solved and we could finally put a name to the face of Satoshi Nakamoto. Satoshi Nakamoto is the name used by the unknown person or persons who designed and created bitcoin. Although Nakamoto has claimed to be a man living in Japan, supposition has fallen on a number of computer scientists from the U.S. and Europe as the real Nakamoto. When an Australian academic and entrepreneur named Craig Wright, announced himself as Nakamoto it seemed to be the end of the manhunt, but, over the following days, the proof he offered was torn apart and Wright has since retired from public view before his claims could be satisfactorily proved or disproved. Continue Reading

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The Socialist Shirkers Party

The Socialist Shirkers Party

NOTE FROM WALLACE: 

Thanks to M.C. Newberry for permitting republication of his poem as a guest post here at Glossy News!

***

You’ll find them among most types of mob

With shuttered mind and open gob.

You’d be forgiven for wondering what they do for a living

When they prefer to be taking rather than giving. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

A Message For Trump’s Minions Worded In The Vernacular You Understand Best

A Message For Trump’s Minions Worded In The Vernacular You Understand Best

In a bow to our supposed new President I submit this missive attempting to recreate the style of communicating that he does best in order to express myself properly to those who elected him. This letter, this message, this fatal death rattle is intended for those who brought him to power, to those who so loyally follow and support him. I will put aside my normal filtration of speech and mildly PC manner to which I am used to. I begin-

You stupid f—kheads! Do you have any idea what you have done? By voting for this arrogant bastard from a whore mother you have flushed America down the toilet! Thanks for inflicting your alcohol induced conception of what a President should be on the rest of us!

Do you really believe the bulls—t he spouts? Are you that f—king stupid? He is the greatest con artist since PT Barnum! And the circus he starts will be just as great. Continue Reading

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Brexit Voters To Face Prosecution

Brexit Voters To Face Prosecution

Activists from the EU referendum Remain Campaign are continuing with plans to pursue criminal prosecutions for many of those who voted to leave the EU.

‘We do not wish to be divisive or retaliatory,’ said a spokesman for the activists, ‘but advice from our legal team confirms that many Brexit voters may be guilty of negligence – and some may be guilty of treason. We believe it to be our public duty to bring these unspeakable criminals to justice.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (2/2): Jihadi Jez Advocates Screening Out Asylum Seekers

Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (2/2): Jihadi Jez Advocates Screening Out Asylum Seekers

Asylum seeking is not a matter of mere individual self-interest; rather, it should serve the greater good of society and the economy. So, I think if we’re going to have asylum seekers, we need to ensure that any asylum seekers with covert neoliberal and capitalist sympathies should be purged.

Lily Allen recently did a good job of scouting for any uncongenially bourgeois asylum seekers with iPods, fancy wallets or more than one and a half pair of shoes.

It seems that the genuine, meritoriously poverty-stricken asylum seeker community have already been infiltrated by the malevolent neoliberal bourgeoisie.

We’re going to have to work out what to do with any of the asylum seekers who don’t toe the party line.

I was reading a history book the other day in the Islington Ecovedanta Meta-Vegan Cafe, and I think I’m starting to formulate a cunning, erm, a perfectly dialectically rigorous and scientifically socialist plan to deal with the problem of bourgeois roaders and malevolent neoliberal conspirators among the asylum seeker community.

***
Idea derived from Newsbiscuit discussion:
Check these guys out!

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