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Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

After being betrayed by the ‘faux progressive’ DNC establishment, Bernie Sanders is trying to console himself by making a radical career change.

He is now fronting a new Patti Smith Tribute Band.

Here’s Bernie now, with his:

Rock ‘n’ Roll Riggers!

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Bernie was a maverick,
Bernie was a bro!
Bernie got votes and then Bernie got bigger…
Bernie got something, Hillary got more!
Bernie was betrayed by the DNC riggers Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

Everyone’s Entitled to Their Opinion, Right? (SPOILER: No, You Aren’t)

Everyone’s Entitled to Their Opinion, Right? (SPOILER: No, You Aren’t)

This post is inspired by a certain post-election viral tweet by Xannie Woodard, where she says:

Please stop telling people to respect others’ opinions. That’s for things like “I don’t like coffee” not for “I don’t like black people.

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The whole Trump thing on choices or convictions kind of reminds me of people who say ‘everyone’s entitled to their opinion!’

So, if you think the earth is flat (or 6 000 years old!) or the world is controlled by 9 foot lizard men from outer space, then ‘I’m entitled to my opinion,’ so you shouldn’t challenge it! Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (2/2)

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (2/2)

Here are some responses to yesterday’s National Union of Students statement on why Holocaust commemoration should be verboten at UK universities. But unfortunately, these responses do not seem to cohere very well with a quote from a notable NUS correspondent…

Which latter passionately assured me that the NUS exists to represent the interests of all students, and to permit students to have a voice and express their views, so that a healthy atmosphere of campaigning and discussion can be maintained. Still, let’s hear from some real students instead!

Sara, a student of art from Israel, suggested a more objective approach: Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, World News0 Comments

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (1/2)

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (1/2)

Notable Champagne-Humanitarian-Edgy-Rhetorical-Club, the NUS (National-Kropotkinite Union of Sympathisers) have taken advantage the most wonderful time of the year…

By sneaking in a typically highly creative and imaginative motion before the Xmas lull.

The motion, translated from the original Pig-German, reads as follows: Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, World News0 Comments

Five Reasons Why a Trump Presidency is Not that Bad

Five Reasons Why a Trump Presidency is Not that Bad

NOTE FROM WALLACE: Our Chris (as we say back in Yorkshire!) wrote this very shortly after the recent election. It may still resonate with some people. Leave your comments if you have views on this somewhat contrarian piece from a prominent critical thinker around our parts!

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If you were to read my Facebook feed, you would probably thing the apocalypse has genuinely happened. It may be easy to think so from the snow that appeared over night. However, I note that we are now a whole day later and all still alive. The reality is that a Trump presidency is not that bad. Here is why.

This is Brexit times 0.1

Brexit times ten? It might be for Trump? But for us this is nothing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary2 Comments

An ‘Inconvenient’ Parable

An ‘Inconvenient’ Parable

I wish Tony Blair would just go away.

He’s like a clingy one night stand that keeps calling you up every now and then at 3 am, completely out of the blue, in order to tell you who much he loves you and giving you unsolicited advice about how to live your life and manage your affairs! Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Male/Female Sex Ratios and Neurodiversity Revisited (2/2)

Male/Female Sex Ratios and Neurodiversity Revisited (2/2)

One of the problems with this line of thinking is that similar ratios have been reported in other developmental disorders. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyslexia, intellectual disabilities, and stuttering are among those. The social problems of autism do not exist in these conditions and it would be a lot harder to hide them; a dyslexic either has difficulty reading or doesn’t, a stutterer either talks fluently or doesn’t. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Is Craig Wright Really Satoshi Nakamoto?

Is Craig Wright Really Satoshi Nakamoto?

Earlier this year is seemed that a great mystery had been solved and we could finally put a name to the face of Satoshi Nakamoto. Satoshi Nakamoto is the name used by the unknown person or persons who designed and created bitcoin. Although Nakamoto has claimed to be a man living in Japan, supposition has fallen on a number of computer scientists from the U.S. and Europe as the real Nakamoto. When an Australian academic and entrepreneur named Craig Wright, announced himself as Nakamoto it seemed to be the end of the manhunt, but, over the following days, the proof he offered was torn apart and Wright has since retired from public view before his claims could be satisfactorily proved or disproved. Continue Reading

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Posted in Top Stories1 Comment

The Socialist Shirkers Party

The Socialist Shirkers Party

NOTE FROM WALLACE: 

Thanks to M.C. Newberry for permitting republication of his poem as a guest post here at Glossy News!

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You’ll find them among most types of mob

With shuttered mind and open gob.

You’d be forgiven for wondering what they do for a living

When they prefer to be taking rather than giving. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

A Message For Trump’s Minions Worded In The Vernacular You Understand Best

A Message For Trump’s Minions Worded In The Vernacular You Understand Best

In a bow to our supposed new President I submit this missive attempting to recreate the style of communicating that he does best in order to express myself properly to those who elected him. This letter, this message, this fatal death rattle is intended for those who brought him to power, to those who so loyally follow and support him. I will put aside my normal filtration of speech and mildly PC manner to which I am used to. I begin-

You stupid f—kheads! Do you have any idea what you have done? By voting for this arrogant bastard from a whore mother you have flushed America down the toilet! Thanks for inflicting your alcohol induced conception of what a President should be on the rest of us!

Do you really believe the bulls—t he spouts? Are you that f—king stupid? He is the greatest con artist since PT Barnum! And the circus he starts will be just as great. Continue Reading

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Posted in Top Stories0 Comments

Brexit Voters To Face Prosecution

Brexit Voters To Face Prosecution

Activists from the EU referendum Remain Campaign are continuing with plans to pursue criminal prosecutions for many of those who voted to leave the EU.

‘We do not wish to be divisive or retaliatory,’ said a spokesman for the activists, ‘but advice from our legal team confirms that many Brexit voters may be guilty of negligence – and some may be guilty of treason. We believe it to be our public duty to bring these unspeakable criminals to justice.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (2/2): Jihadi Jez Advocates Screening Out Asylum Seekers

Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (2/2): Jihadi Jez Advocates Screening Out Asylum Seekers

Asylum seeking is not a matter of mere individual self-interest; rather, it should serve the greater good of society and the economy. So, I think if we’re going to have asylum seekers, we need to ensure that any asylum seekers with covert neoliberal and capitalist sympathies should be purged.

Lily Allen recently did a good job of scouting for any uncongenially bourgeois asylum seekers with iPods, fancy wallets or more than one and a half pair of shoes.

It seems that the genuine, meritoriously poverty-stricken asylum seeker community have already been infiltrated by the malevolent neoliberal bourgeoisie.

We’re going to have to work out what to do with any of the asylum seekers who don’t toe the party line.

I was reading a history book the other day in the Islington Ecovedanta Meta-Vegan Cafe, and I think I’m starting to formulate a cunning, erm, a perfectly dialectically rigorous and scientifically socialist plan to deal with the problem of bourgeois roaders and malevolent neoliberal conspirators among the asylum seeker community.

***
Idea derived from Newsbiscuit discussion:
Check these guys out!

Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (1/2): ‘Dirty Bread’ Shocker

Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (1/2): ‘Dirty Bread’ Shocker

The unelectable Sanders didn’t get the Democratic nomination, the electable HRC didn’t get elected, and the bizarre Donald is now leader.

But what about the allegedly unelectable 80s socialist leader from across the pond, who is now leading the Labour Party? Here’s a bit of a blast from the past.

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Jeremy Corbyn has been caught red-handed buying discounted bread. Here’s a quote from Johnny Littledick of the Hourly Fail: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Fellow Asperger’s People: ‘Society’ Owes You Nothing

Fellow Asperger’s People: ‘Society’ Owes You Nothing

Here, I am quoting some of my tweets from November 14, 2016.

You can probably guess what facets of my identity motivate these tweets.

If you have autism, ‘Society’ owes you nothing! Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest, Serious CommentaryComments Off on Fellow Asperger’s People: ‘Society’ Owes You Nothing

Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary

Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment, Music, Politics, Strange People8 Comments

Handicapping the Frontrunners for 2020

Handicapping the Frontrunners for 2020

In the off chance you’ve been in a coma the past few weeks, I have some unsettling news. You might want to sit down. Donald Trump is our new President-Elect. Please, put down that sharp object.

As denial about this shocking outcome gives way to anger, then depression and finally acceptance, pundits are deeply divided as to whether Trump’s election means four years of utter chaos, financial collapse, violence on the streets, nuclear Armageddon, and the end of civilization as we know it – or perhaps something far worse.

If the 2016 election taught us anything, it’s that if you’re running for the most important job in the world, political experience and proven competence are serious liabilities. Trump has re-written the political playbook. In past elections, having no previous relevant experience, combined with a vengeful temperament, a campaign built around stoking anger, fear, hate, racism, misogyny and a knee-jerk impulse to tweet insults at anyone who makes a joke about your hair might put you at a disadvantage. But that’s so November 7th thinking.

Unless our President-Elect amends the Constitution to do away with elections and installs himself as Supreme Commander-for-Life (which experts put at slightly less than 50% odds), then in four years there will be another election. Candidates are already lining up for the chance to go for politics’ brass ring. Here’s a sneak peek at the early frontrunners for the 2020 presidential race.

Kim Kardashian: For those people hoping 2016 would be the year we finally elected a female president, low-education white truck drivers overwhelmingly agree: Hillary was a lame choice – what with all those bland pantsuits, wonky policy papers and annoyingly high intellect. As Trump repeatedly pointed out, Hillary’s not exactly moving the needle on the 10-point beauty scale. No, what this nation is looking for in its first female head-of-state is a hot, curvy reality star who lets her body do the talking. Another qualification: Kim K has 49 million Twitter followers – almost five times as many as Hillary. (We checked.)

2020-election-duck-dynastyPee Wee Herman: Herman has as much political experience as Trump. And if people were amused by Trump’s immature, petulant man-boy behavior, they should be thrilled by Pee Wee Herman. An added bonus: He appears to have no interest in girls (they have cooties), so the odds of an extra-marital scandal are considered extremely remote in a Herman administration.

David Duke: The people saw in Donald Trump someone who overtly demonstrated a racist worldview. And the people loved it. That’s why the smart money is on the former Ku Klux Klan Imperial Wizard. Oh, sure, in addition to being a white supremacist, he’s also a longstanding Holocaust denier and all-around creep, but those aren’t his only qualifications. He’s committed to making America even greater again, so long as you’re white, Anglo-Saxon, heterosexual, and a bigot – apparently, the fastest growing demographic segment in America these days.

Dennis Rodman: Some consider the fact that the former NBA star once wore a wedding dress to get married – to himself – on national TV – a sign that he might not have quite the temperament to be Commander-in-Chief – or does he? Like Donald Trump, Rodman has always been a loose cannon who routinely says offensive things for attention. But another asset he brings is that he’d come into office with impressive foreign affairs credentials, thanks to his BFF relationship with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. If it looked like North Korea was about to drop a nuclear bomb on us, Kim might just think twice, knowing his bromance buddy is in the Oval Office.

Vladimir Putin: Talk about an outsider! Russia’s chiseled, bare-chested Hunk-Prez is a huge fan of the American presidential electoral process – and how easy it is to manipulate. Many political analysts think he could win. After all, in his own country, he repeatedly keeps winning re-election with 99% of the vote.

2020-election-homer-simpsonTom Brady: The handsome, popular New England Patriots quarterback has led his team to Super Bowl victories a record four times. Can you say WINNER? Plus, have you seen his gorgeous model wife Gisele? Even hotter than Melania! Brady’s team is called the PATRIOTS – proof that he loves America. He once got caught deflating his footballs, which is against NFL rules. So, he’s a cheater – which in politics is a big plus these days.

There are also some lesser-known newcomers that insiders say to keep an eye on. Here are two of our dark horse favorites:

Hank Wilson: Never heard of him? Neither has anybody else. That’s his biggest asset. He’s the ultimate outsider. This perennially unemployed 42-year-old Wisconsinite not only has zero political experience, he has no discernible job skills – unless you consider his talent for making an awesome triceratops shadow animal on the wall with his hands. With an IQ close to 100, Hank perfectly represents the average American voter. Did we mention, Hank loves to fish? If elected, he’ll need a ride to Washington, as he lost his driver’s license due to a series of DUI’s.

Champ: Like Madonna and Beyoncé, his one-word name is easy to remember, as well as a symbol of his image as a champion of the people. He’s also strong, brave, kind and extremely loyal. The fact that he’s a Golden Retriever might seem to disqualify him as a candidate, but remember, no one thought Trump was qualified either. Technically, Champ is only six years old. But in dog years that makes him 42, more than old enough to meet the minimum age requirement for president.

Finally, you may wonder why we haven’t included Donald Trump in this list of possible contenders for 2020. That’s because if he survives his inevitable impeachment trial, by 2020 with four years in office, he’ll just be another establishment Washington insider. And Americans would never elect someone like that.

This is just a first look at the possible contenders for 2020. Over the next four years, the field will likely change significantly. Personally, I’d say the smart money is on Champ. Unlike our new president-elect, he can be trained to do as he’s told.

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Posted in Making Headlines, Politics1 Comment

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