Category: Society
Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America
Memphis, TN (GlossyNews) — A raging tea partier activist was shocked to realize the America he is so angry about — was actually created by his generation. “It was quite the epiphany, let me tell you,” said 56 year old…
God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert
Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“ In an…
Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure
Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo…
Order Restored After Outbreak of Hypochondria
New Glarus, WI (GlossyNews) — Normalcy has returned to this Midwestern town, after a tense weekend some won’t forget. According to sources, trouble began when Insurance salesman Howard Sprague left work with a bad cold on Thursday. Flora Baker, owner…
Fellas, Check Those Tattoos, Chinese May Have Last Laugh
More and more stories are coming out of small tattoo parlors in every Chinatown from New York to San Francisco about authentic Chinese tattoo artists who have recently decided to have a little fun with what they perceive as the…
Neo-Nazis Deny Closet Homosexuality
Los Angeles, CA (BNSE) — A contentious rally of Neo-Nazis in central Los Angeles erupted into laughter earlier this week as Fascist supporting speakers vehemently denied taunts from hundreds of assembled protesters accusing them of closet homosexuality. “We are not…
Gays Not Allowed to Pray in Wisconsin
Milwaukee, WI (GlossyNews) -– A Wisconsin District Court Judge appropriately named Crabb has ruled that there will be no praying on National Prayer Day unless it is done in private. “Whether you are an atheist or a true believer, a…
The Pope Faces A Day In Court
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — A leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has hinted on the possibility of suing the Pope on child abuse cover ups in the Catholic church when he was Cardinal. This revelation has not led to a proper response…
Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution
Bailey’s Crossroads, VA (GlossyNews) — A band of African Mountain Gorillas has arrived in Washington D.C. for a hearing in District Court to debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and challenge the findings in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that allows…
Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost
Daly City, CA (GlossyNews) — Karen Salvio came to San Francisco in 1994, a bright-eyed young woman fresh out of college. After she moved into her new apartment, she went out for the evening to have a few drinks. But…