Category: Society
75-Year Reunion Attracts Living Dead
Collegetown, Penn – GlossyNews.com – Penn State’s 75-year college reunion was disrupted Tuesday by the arrival of a horde of living dead from nearby Collegetown Cemetery. Based on cemetery dental records, all of the living dead who showed up at…
Go Ahead, Drop the F-Bomb; It’s the Easy Way Out
Can’t find the right word? Stifled when the cretin ahead of you in the “Express Lane” is paying for a full shopping cart with a Ziploc of Canadian coins? You’re not alone. There’s a shortage shredding the very polyester fiber…
Almost 20 Tons of Unwanted Drugs Turned in to DEA
For the second year in a row, the DEA has organized a drug take-back initiative event at 6 sites throughout New England to collect unused prescription medications from those residents who no longer want or need them. Unfortunately, just like…
Drug-Induced Lobotomy Offers Hope for Stress-Plagued Society
Stress is the number one mental problem plaguing society today. Stress can lead to obesity, anorexia, suicide, and color T.V. Did you know that there has been a 20% increase of stress-related spontaneous combustion in April 2011 due only to…
Bumper Crop of Medical Marijuana Expected in White House Garden
Thanks to a wet and mild spring in the nation’s capital this year, a bumper crop of medical marijuana is expected in the White House garden. Tommy Chong, chief Japanese gardener, (no relation to that other Tommy Chong) claims the…
Local Cat Blames Indoor Lifestyle for Catnip Addiction
BURLINGTON, VT—Yesterday, neighborhood cat, Nella Watson, revealed that she’s finally on the road to recovery after a long battle with Catnip Abuse. When asked what started her addiction to what’s colloquially referred to as “Nip” in the Feline community, Nella…
Darkness Therapy May Increase Depression in World’s Happiest Country
DENMARK (Glossynews.com International) –A new study currently underway in Denmark could prove that prolonged exposure to darkness may improve symptoms of merriment and cheer in people who are “entirely too happy.” While the evidence is inconclusive, researchers say that the…
Early Risers Threaten World Domination
Cambridge, Mass – GlossyNews.com – As if there weren’t enough catastrophes hanging over the world already, Harverford University’s World Crisis Laboratory has identified a brand new threat to planet earth, namely, early risers. What are early risers? They’re those zombie-like…
Study Shows Baby Boomers Look for Apathy, Social Inequality in Brands
This week The Gibraltar Group released the results of a study that indicates that Baby Boomers have given up on the economy ever recovering and continue to buy products that reflect their lack of hope and apathy toward the situation….
Mutant 2nd Graders – A Terrifying, Formidable Force
The New York Stock Exchange rose 3,000 points yesterday when news finally reached the floor of mutant second graders taking charge of financial interests in this country. Investment adviser, William Buffington III was reported hiding in a restroom stall, quivering…