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Top Online Slot Games from the Movies

Top Online Slot Games from the Movies

Let’s be honest, at one time or another, we’ve all had the odd fantasy about what it might be like to be a big Hollywood movie star.

The glitz, the glamour, the fame and fortune, it could be all ours for the taking. Ah, if only, right? Continue Reading

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Kim Kardashian Introduces $Rashtags on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian Introduces $Rashtags on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

New York City – Kim Kardashian added comedian to her long list of professions, Friday night, in front of a sold out crowd on The Tonight Show at NBC Studios.

Kardashian was joined by other celebrity guests including Michael Phelps, who recently found out the love of his life, a girl he met on the dating app, Tinder, was actually a man and the stars of the Dumb and Dumber remake, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Television2 Comments

Poll: Over 50% of US Women Have Been Drugged, Improperly Touched by Cosby

Poll: Over 50% of US Women Have Been Drugged, Improperly Touched by Cosby

Bill Cosby’s PR nightmare has gotten worse. In addition to the original seven to fourteen women who accused the formerly beloved comedian of sexual assault, more and more women have spoken up in a show of solidarity with their abused sisters.

It has gotten to the point that pollsters estimate that half of all women in the United States now claim they were drugged and raped by Bill Cosby. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you.

OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’ down about the so-called grudge between Tupac and Biggie; however, this mainstream, far-from-edgy storm in a teacup pales in comparison to the biggest, baddest rap grudge in history. Check it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)

-Peter, great loyalty demands great sacrifice

As you found out last time, the entire Glossy News team has been arrested on fake charges for prostitution…

Although a certain informer called Wallace Runnymede (who shall remain anonymous, in order to have evade having the crap beaten out of him by his erstwhile peers, as some have framed it)…

But yes, His Most Exalted Shit-Stirriness has traded security for liberty by making a sneaky plea bargain, in order to dump the other guys in it.

… Oh come on, don’t be so judgmental! Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange People2 Comments

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)

The End of The Truth?

Glossynews, as you all no doubt agree (merely because WE say so; reason enough, right?!), is the single most… sorry, the SINGLE AND SOLE respected media outlet in the world.

Well, in a world filled with MSNBC Socialist/Liberal-Corporatist agitprop and the South-Park- Libertarianism/Beltway-Market-Hipsterism of Fox News, it’s clear that there’s only one game in town.

Only one place can be trusted to mingle “the truth” (whatever the Hell that means) with an immaculately noble Socratic “lie” (or as we prefer to call it, telling “the people” what “they” want to hear). Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange People4 Comments

Scoop: Glossy News Is The First With A Photo Of The New Star Trek Series And Its Stars

Scoop: Glossy News Is The First With A Photo Of The New Star Trek Series And Its Stars

A leak in the security of the new Star Trek series has provided Glossy with a peek at the highly anticipated show.

As you can see the players will be wearing an all new design of Star Fleet uniforms and, as usual, represent many different races and nationalities.

Again there will be a black Vulcan just like Tuvok in the Voyager series, only this time he will be in the Commander position. Unlike his predecessor this new Vulcan will occasionally exhibit moments of humor, a very un-Vulcan like quality.

His name is Barack Hussein Obama, an unlikely a name as any writer could ever conjure up, but we’ll go with it for the time being. There is a Chinese second in command, Xi Jinping (they must have been really imaginative to come up with this moniker), who will be a constant source of disagreement and contention in the series.

Unknown to the other crew members, a Romulan agent has infiltrated the group with the intent on sabotaging all relationships and vessel machinery that he can. Named Vladimir Putin (the writers got a little lax on this name. It is inappropriate as it sounds too much like the Romanian Prince Vlad who was the basis for Dracula….on second thought the name fits. Forget it.), he is the wild card in the deck of the ship’s crew.

Other nationalities and races will play key characters who will mostly get in the way of the other three stars or die horribly while wearing red uniforms (in the original Star Trek series any actor wearing a red shirt always got creamed half way through the episode).

Whereas most Star Trek episodes involved conflicts with aliens outside the ship, this series will have most of its battles waged inside the vessel between its own crew members. Mr. Putin and Jinping will prove to be behind most of the intrigue. Mr. Putin and Mr. Jinping, being from more backwards lands, are jealous of the Captain’s superior technology and feels that they must interrupt their progress in any way possible to overcome it.

On their first mission in an entirely new ship aptly called the “New World Order”. the crew encounters foreign aliens trying to escape their home planet to work on the earth. Captain Obama wants to welcome them in, not realizing that helmsman Putin has already sent out small fighters to buzz and harass them. Mr. Jinping just stands back and waits for both to make mistakes so he can take over.

Future episodes will be guaranteed to have lots of weird looking aliens and not-so-weird looking gorgeous shapely women wearing way-too-short mini-skirt uniforms.

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Posted in Entertainment, Politics2 Comments

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Wyomissing, Pennsylvania – Professional Tailor, Bill Swift, Owner and Operator of Tailor Swift’s House of Threds, has been an expert at altering clothing since his shop first opened in June of 1979 on the corner of Reading Boulevard and Clayton Avenue in downtown Wyomissing.

Known to the locals as Tailor Swift, he has pleased thousands of customers with his precise and cost efficient tailoring, relying only on word-of-mouth advertising to increase his customer base. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music2 Comments

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears is under fire again, but this time for more than just his turnovers. After losing to Green Bay Sunday night the embattled QB tweeted, “Aaron hasn’t spanked anyone that hard since his gay roommate moved out.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals5 Comments

5 Lists and Articles People Totally Need to Stop Sharing

5 Lists and Articles People Totally Need to Stop Sharing

You, stop right there! Don’t click another “share” button until you’ve read this article. Facebook has become a place to post all your passive aggressive, secretly racist, and propaganda articles far too long.

Take a hint, everyone is tired of seeing these posts. Here are 5 things you totally need to stop sharing right now.

5: Lists of common things you’ve been doing wrong your entire life.

You don’t use straws to remove the tops of strawberries? Not following the 5 step chicken wing eating process? Are you brain dead or what?

The last thing anyone wants to hear is how they have been doing something so simple wrong forever. In most cases, the “correct” way is stupid and not practical. Obviously, its not wrong. Stop being a jerk and get off your high horse.

This applies to any articles found on BuzzFeed

4: Person does some thing. What happens next will shock you!

Why this isn’t number one on my voter bill is beyond words. Seriously, with that vague title I will never click the link. And if YOU click those links, you are only propagating the ridiculous use of vague attention grabbing titles. STOP IT!

Here is the most recent one I saw.

1: Super opinionated articles

This one is Legen- wait for it……it never came. That’s because these kinds of articles are ridiculous. If you have been paying attention, there were only 3 items.

That is because these kinds of lists and articles suck. It makes it awkward for your friends when you share things like this on Facebook. That is the sound of a thousand eyes rolling at once. Every time you share something like this, I cry inside. Do you really think you are cool by showing how ignorant you are? What kind of vindication do you get from figuratively flipping the bird to everyone?

Huffington Post, I’m looking at you.

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes1 Comment

GlossyNews Exclusive: Meghan Trainor Announces Remix … All About Lance Bass

GlossyNews Exclusive: Meghan Trainor Announces Remix … All About Lance Bass

Nantucket, Massachusetts – Just as she has done since age 11, Meghan Trainor has written and recorded a remix from her personal computer focusing on a new subject that she claims “will make boys and girls melt like warm garlic butter.”

The song utilizes the same rhythm and beat as her most popular song, All About That Bass, except that the new version features her favorite boy-band singer, NSYNC’S Lance Bass.

“We are excited that Meghan has decided to release this remix and we look forward to the song increasing her fan base as well as her downloads,” said Trainor’s Agent, Deb Mosell of the Creative Artists Agency in Los Angeles, California. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Music10 Comments

Maddow Vindicates Hillary Over Inoffensive “Dead New Yorker” Comments

Maddow Vindicates Hillary Over Inoffensive “Dead New Yorker” Comments

Not so long ago, I told you how top photogenic political superstar Hillary Clinton was arbitrarily and unfairly accused of upsetting some mourners at a funeral…

With some (admittedly) fairly ill-timed, ill-judged, and most crucially, vindictively-taken-out-of-context comments™.

These comments were eerily and disturbingly reminiscent of the comments the mainstream media maliciously and unjustifiably accuse her of making at the Benghazi enquiry. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television0 Comments

Five Political Reality Shows Actually in Production

Five Political Reality Shows Actually in Production

With last season’s debut of “Naked and Afraid”, it appears that the TV reality show well might be running dry. Having exploited everything from dating to cooking to home improvement, it looks like the reality genre has finally been exhausted.

Luckily for TV producers, there is still one fertile field of TV reality endeavor that’s ripe for the plucking, namely politics as evidenced by these proposed reality shows soon to spring forth from the drawing board: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television0 Comments

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

The last remnants of the allegedly “modern” and “progressive” faction of the Conspicuously Downtrodden Freedom Fighters in Syria™ have come up with a novel plan to prevent their allies in al-Qaeda from spending more time killing them than fighting President Assad.

“We asked Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to come in and help us, but they turned on us and are slaughtering us like pigs,” wailed one self-styled secular militant:

“I mean, we need to find someone else who can do the job properly. We’ve invited Bono to come and save us, he’s good at that kind of thing. This is our last chance, but we believe if there is anyone at all on this earth who can help us win this war and preserve Our Common Humanity™, it’s Bono.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest0 Comments

Dems/Reps Concoct “Jefferson Bible” Sequel

Dems/Reps Concoct “Jefferson Bible” Sequel

Believe it or not, Thomas Jefferson’s famous pick-and-mix assortment of Godly Greatest Hits, known as the “Jefferson Bible,” isn’t all that, nowadays; not even to the GREATEST CHRISTIAN AUTHORITIES OF ALL™…

Well, Ted Haggard never mentioned it in Jesus Camp, Answers in Genesis never allude to it, and Pat Robertson almost appears oblivious to its very existence…

So it’s only fair that in yet another highly constructive act of cross-party co-operation, the Democrats and Republicans have made their own sequel to the Jefferson Bible. All they needed to do was take the Bible and cut out all the bits they didn’t like! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism2 Comments

An Annoying Update On Annoying Updates

An Annoying Update On Annoying Updates

Traveling on the road can be stressful. Sometimes too stressful. One doesn’t need non-road situations to make them more stressful. Someone should mention this to Bill Gates.

I am presently doing a road trip with limited amount of time to check out property. This is in a remote part of the country that consists of a lot of trees and hills and not much else.

The towns that are here are Boonievilles, this term not intended as a an insult; they are really cool towns in their unique ways, but ‘Boonievilles’ correctly gives the burgs the proper description as being considerably less sophisticated economically, materially and in terms of modernity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

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