National Front Thugs Horrified: Hitler a “Dirty Foreign [Insert Profanity Here]”

National Front Thugs Horrified: Hitler a “Dirty Foreign [Insert Profanity Here]”

Most Americans have probably heard of the Front National in France, but not all US citizens may be aware of her somewhat less sophisticated and elegant sister party, the UK’s National Front.

But admittedly, this club of assorted knuckledraggers, boneheads and goosestepping eagle-polishers is so “edgy,” so far off the mainstream political establishment™, that it hardly picks up any votes.

Yes, the NF’s voting tally (not sure about tallywhackers, though) are consistently dwarfed even by the sum of protest votes garnered by fellow neo-fascists, the British National Party. Similarly, their fellow socialists, the Greens, tend to do “better” than the National Front in elections. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Pat Robertson “Blames” Justin Bieber for Freak Weather Conditions

Pat Robertson “Blames” Justin Bieber for Freak Weather Conditions

After a lull of a few years, Pat Robertson has put his theometerology hat back on again.

Yes… Pastor Pat has yet another new theory to contribute for why the USA has experienced extreme weather conditions in recent years.

How so? Well, it turns out that God is just not a Belieber.

“Well… I don’t want to say for sure whether the Lord is punishing the USA because of this fine young man’s singing.

“I mean, I’m not gonna tell you to whom you shall listen and to whom you shall not. That is your choice, but I will just say this… Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Religionism0 Comments

Dalai Lama: War Crimes Are Matter of Context

Dalai Lama: War Crimes Are Matter of Context

Everybody knows that unlike all the “Abrahamic Religions”™ like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Rastafarianism, etc., Buddhism is in a class of its own.

But why? Obviously, because people belonging to all other religions have practiced patriarchy, homophobia, racism, and the odd spot of religious persecution…

On the other hand, as every herb-smoking New Age traveler knows in their heart, Buddhism is the one religion on earth where there has never been a war, or any sort of persecution, prejudice or discrimination whatsoever.

However, this universally acknowledged common sense fact is becoming increasingly difficult to square with some of the more erratic rulings recently attributed to the entirely authoritative and infallible teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, known to countless beer-addled student activists as H.H.

(No, I mean REALLY infallible! Not like the Pope, who is only called infallible; and who is not ACTUALLY infallible. Learn the difference, chip!) Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism5 Comments

GOP End of Days Panic: Rick Perry Declares Himself the Anti-Reagan

GOP End of Days Panic: Rick Perry Declares Himself the Anti-Reagan

The GOP is getting worried about outside infiltration and even supernatural omens, as rumor has it that Rick Perry has revealed himself to aides as the literal anti-Reagan.

No need to worry about fire and brimstone, signs in the Heavens, and the standard apocalyptic phenomena which might conceivably be interpreting as heralding the end of days for some Republicans, as you’ll read.

There is a perfectly innocent (well, more-or-less innocent) explanation. Here’s what Rick has to say about the latest development in the War Against Reagan: Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Politics2 Comments

Ideas Man Newt Gingrich Finally Solves Fiscal Responsibility Problem

Ideas Man Newt Gingrich Finally Solves Fiscal Responsibility Problem

The new Newt Gingrich is re-branding himself as the Ideas Man™ of the Republican Party, but this time he’s outdone even himself with an astonishingly innovative solution.

“You know what, everybody? We all know about the fiscal responsibility problem, and it’s really intractable. Too much dogmatism on both sides, unwillingness to compromise, the whole complexity of the situation. You know I’m no idealist, I’m a practical thinker, not a bookworm. (Ouch!™ fail!). Continue Reading

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Rand Paul Reaches Out To Dems, Promises Not to Ban “Washing-up” Agenda

Rand Paul Reaches Out To Dems, Promises Not to Ban “Washing-up” Agenda

Some Republicans view Rand Paul as a potentially divisive figure (i.e. one who will take some of their support away in critical demographics), but some of his opponents are actually impressed how he has built bridges with Democrats at cross-party meetings.

“You know,” says Rand’s new ally, Barney Frank, “I wasn’t all that sure about our good pal Senator Rand Paul at first, but I’m really impressed at his cooperative spirit. We sit around a table, decide who’s gonna do what, agree about it, and we get down to work.”

Paul even said this division of labor reminded him of that chapter in Adam Smith. Frank agreed with him: “You are so right, Rand!” They even devised the “washing up” agenda, which is best described thusly: Continue Reading

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Rand and Rev. Al Share the Pie Equally, Dems and Reps Unimpressed

Rand and Rev. Al Share the Pie Equally, Dems and Reps Unimpressed

Senator Rand Paul and Reverend Al Sharpton have shown some interparty solidarity and cut up a blueberry pie™ into equal slices at a dialogue and lunch event.

Hey listen, this man Senator Rand Paul is great!

gushes Reverend Al:

I mean, I haven’t seen such mutual engagement and co-operation for a long time!

Well, not since the US State Department got to working with Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to bring down President Assad, anyhow!

Well, let me tell you something, we can work with this man alright! And that blueberry pie; oh my gosh, I’ve never had such succulent blue-sky-colored berries and crusty pastry… wow!

Mmm-hm! Wow! You said, ‘Reverend Al, where’s our blueberry pie?’ Let me tell you something, my friend; the blueberry pie’s right here!

Mmm! Sorry about that! But yeah, I mean, this Senator is cooking up something really special!

Senator Paul is also buoyant:

Reverend Al is not only a hero of the Civil Rights Movement, but from this day forward, I am deeply honored to call him a friend.

I mean, this is just so exciting. I’ve never had a black friend of color before!

But listen carefully. Reverend Al, this good buddy of mine, he just seems like a normal, regular guy…

You know, like all the straight, male, white guys at the GOP I normally hang around with!

Now listen up, everybody. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that black people are bad folks.

I mean, hell, we need as many votes from the African American community as we can get!

Yeah, I mean, racism just doesn’t make sense, where we are now, the modern world, 2015…

Leading up to 2016! I mean, I couldn’t possibly justify our alienating any more black voters!

So yeah, we’re gonna have to have some more dialogue meetings like this.

And more: I promise you this Al, next time, you will have your chance to speak, as much as anyone else!

Hm. Um, Al. I kinda think you and your friends have had enough. D’you mind letting me have the rest of this stuff?

I mean, this was all a good idea, but I don’t want to take it too far.

Yeah, let’s not go overboard here. Fair’s fair!

But others in both the Republic and Democratic Parties (surprisingly) are skeptical. Rick Perry says:

I don’t think all those greedy Democrats™ at this shallow publicity stunt™ deserved such a ridiculously large slice of pie. They have contributed very little to this country. All this talk about cutting up the pie™, I’m sick of it! Déjà vu city!

Hillary Clinton is unimpressed too:

So… let me get this straight. I know it sounds like I’m repeating myself time and time again, but Reverend Al has a lifetime’s experience of™ pastoral work, preaching, providing spiritual counseling, and plenty of civil activism. What does Rand Paul have™?

Yes, what does Rand Paul have? Just one insignificant little picture of him, stuffing his face with a DESSERT! He won’t succeed! There’s just no way on earth this man deserves to be President!

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Rachel Maddow of the left-leaning news network™ MSNBC has defended Hillary Clinton from malicious and false conservative allegations™ that she is bad at basketball. See this transcript:

“The enemies of the Democratic Party™, is there any depths to which they will not stoop™ to insult this woman with malicious and self-evidently false™, I mean absolutely ridiculously implausible allegations™?

“I believe if Hillary Clinton were a man, no-one would ever criticize her in this way™. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Pelosi gets tough on Pope Francis regime

Pelosi gets tough on Pope Francis regime

It seems not everybody is charmed by Pope Francis. Indeed, one prominent US politician, Nancy Pelosi, is planning very stern measures to punish what she considers to be the brutal and savage policies and order of governance by His Holiness.

In a tearful Youtube video that Britney Spears has already endorsed, Pelosi explains: “The Church humiliated me™ because of my Principled Liberal Moral Stances™. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism5 Comments

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