Author: Tim Jones
Breaking News: Obama Caused World War II, According to Trump
[Author’s Note: Tim Jones of the news website Glossy News, in an exclusive interview with Donald Trump, asked the presidential candidate to clarify his claim that President Obama was the “Founder of Isis.” Below is an excerpt from this revealing…
They’re Coming for Your Car Keys. Welcome to the World of Self-Driving Cars
One of my favorite jokes goes like this: “I got really drunk last night, so I decided to take the bus home. Now that may not sound impressive to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.” Stop the Presses!…
Trump University Fall 2016 Courses
The Trump University Promise At Trump University success is what it’s all about. Trump U is about a lot of things – but above all, how you can be successful by helping me become even more successful by enrolling in…
Trump’s Efforts to Lose the Election Continue to Falter
[Author’s Note: Glossy News’ Tim Jones was granted an exclusive interview with Donald Trump. He asked the Republican presidential nominee how he could still be running neck and neck with Hillary Clinton despite his repeated instances of inflammatory rhetoric and…
Breaking News: USA Votes to Leave North America
(Washington, D.C.) In the wake of Great Britain’s recent populist-led decision to leave the European Union, momentum gathered quickly for the United States to follow suit. In a flurry of referendum-lobbying activity, spurred on primarily by Donald Trump and his…
Small Town Crime
I’ve lived in major metro areas my entire life – Albany, NY, Columbus, Miami, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and most recently, Seattle. They all had one disturbing characteristic in common – high levels of crime. Every year, it seems, the rates of…
Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada
Greetings, American Refugees, On behalf of the people of Canada, we would like to welcome you to our country. We hope you’ll enjoy your stay. We’re starting to worry about your nation’s apparent complete psychological breakdown. You were doing so…
My Spirited Defense of Donald Trump
Donald Trump is a great American. In the past nine months, he has done a masterful job of uniting millions of Americans from all different backgrounds – admittedly mostly by uniting them in their deep hatred and fear of Donald…
My Plan to Donate My Powerball Jackpot Winnings to the Kids in Africa
I was really bummed to learn that I did not win the recent $1.6 billion Powerball jackpot. I was so close to winning it all. I was only off by four or five numbers. Drat! It took me a while…
Have You Heard About Dyzastra?
Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Why not try Dyzastra? (“Di-ZAH-Struh”) Do you have a spare tire around your middle that you’d like to get rid of? How about trying Dyzastra? Stomach pain, the common cold and restless leg syndrome…