[Author’s Note: Tim Jones of the news website Glossy News, in an exclusive interview with Donald Trump, asked the presidential candidate to clarify his claim that President Obama was the “Founder of Isis.” Below is an excerpt from this revealing interview].
Donald Trump: Hey, you look familiar. Didn’t I throw you out of one of my rallies?
Glossy News: Um, I think you have me mistaken for someone else. Last week you said Obama was the Founder of Isis, and yet –
Trump: That’s right. Barack HUSSEIN Obama – Founder and Chairman of the Board. And Hillary Clinton is their Chief Operating Officer. These are two bad people, really bad. You have no idea how bad. Disgusting.
Glossy News: I see. So just how bad are they, Mr. Trump?
Trump: Well, for one thing, I just learned that Obama caused the crash of the Hindenburg.
Glossy News: THE Hindenburg? I’m sorry. Are you talking about the zeppelin that crashed over New Jersey? That Hindenburg??
Trump: Absolutely. Terrible tragedy.
Glossy News: You do realize the Hindenburg exploded in 1937. Obama wasn’t born until 1961. So, how could he possibly be responsible for that disaster?
Trump: I’m close personal friends with the guy who directed the documentary Back to the Future, about traveling through time. Doc Brown proved it’s possible if you have the right technology, like a DeLorean with a flux capacitor.
Glossy News: You know that was a fictional movie –
Trump: I also know people in the CIA who are experts in this time travel stuff. They’ve sent teams back in time to investigate all sorts of events. And they’re finding some amazing things, amazing things, believe me.
Glossy News: So you’re saying you sent a team of time traveling investigators back in time to dig up evidence proving Obama caused the Hindenburg crash –
Trump: Shocking, I know. Trust me. But I have unbelievable evidence. Just unbelievable. But it’s far from the worst thing Obama’s done. He also caused World War II. A terrible guy, this Obama.
Glossy News: Excuse me? You’re saying that President Obama is somehow to blame for The Second World War?
Trump: Well, to be more precise, he traveled back in time and caused the rise of Hitler, which in turn led to WW II.
Glossy News: Okay, I’ll bite. How exactly did Obama travel back in time to cause the rise of Hitler?
Trump: I can’t reveal that information until I after become president. But let’s just say some top NSA experts have uncovered a lot of really bad things about both Obama and Hillary. Really bad stuff.
Glossy News: Besides starting World War II?
Trump: Absolutely. He started the Black Plague.
Glossy News: Did you just say the Black Plague?
Trump: Yup. Nasty thing. Terrible. Millions of people died. Even a lot of really nice rich folks.
Glossy News: The Black Plague – from 1348? Obama started the infamous plague that wiped out almost 50% of Europe’s population during the Middle Ages?
Trump: Why else would they have called it the “Black” plague? Ever think of that?
Glossy News: No, can’t say that I have. So, how is this even possible?
Trump: Like I said, time travel.
Glossy News: Oh right. So you’re doubling down on that theory, eh?
Trump: Trust me. You would not believe the things our military’s Black Op’s folks have invented. They recruited Obama when he was in law school and sent him back in time with thousands of infected rats to release all over Europe.
Glossy News: Uh huh. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but let’s just suppose, for argument’s sake, Obama actually somehow teleported back in time six centuries loaded up with suitcases full of deadly rats. Why on earth would our military want him to wipe out Europe?
Trump: Because, like our government, Obama hates America.
Glossy News: That makes absolutely no sense at all. So why didn’t he wipe out America instead?
Trump: Because it was 1348. America hadn’t been built yet. Besides, in recent years Europe has said some really nasty things about America. But that’s not the only thing Obama and Hillary have done to destroy America. Remember the stock market crash of 1929?
Glossy News: Seriously? You’re going there now?
Trump: Well, technically, that was mainly Crooked Hillary’s fault. Obama was being cryogenically frozen at the time.
Glossy News: I see. And why is it that nobody knows about all these nefarious time travel missions?
Trump: Just ask anyone who attended last July’s Comic-Con convention – especially the Star Trek delegation. Check out my retweet of a guy who goes by @SpockRules432, who posted. “Hey, dudes. Time travel is real. I can prove Obama shot Lincoln.”
Glossy News: Okay, I have to stop you there, Mr. Trump. History proved conclusively that John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln. Or did you miss that tweet?
Trump: History’s wrong. Booth was framed. Obama did it. Booth was actually a great guy. A YUGE star in his day. He could bed any chick he wanted. Trust me.
Glossy News: Mr. Trump, do you even hear yourself? Obama went back in time and shot Lincoln?
Trump: But he had nothing whatsoever to do with the Garfield assassination.
Trump: Garfield was killed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Glossy News: Of course, he was… because Arnold went back in time as the Terminator. Got it.
Trump: That’s what I read on BuzzFeed: 10 Political Assassinations That Will Shock You
Glossy News: Well, you sure make a compelling case against Obama and Hillary’s fitness to lead.
Trump: Oh, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Speaking of icebergs, I’ve got so much evidence linking Obama and Hillary to the sinking of the Titanic it will make your head spin.
Glossy News: You left out the Great Flood from the Bible. Were they behind that, too?
Trump: I’m not saying they caused the Great Flood. I’m not one to spread rumors. But I have to say, people are starting to talk. I’m just saying that history shows neither Hillary nor Obama are fit to lead this country.
Glossy News: Well, if anyone should know a thing or two about being unfit to be president, I’d say you’re the authority. Thank you for your time.
Trump: Any time. Would you like an “Obama shot Lincoln” hat?
Glossy News: No thanks. I’ll stick with my Red Sox cap.