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WWII-Era Sub Found At 7-Eleven

WWII-Era Sub Found At 7-Eleven

O’AHU, HAWAII — Researchers in Hawaii have uncovered a World War II-era submarine sandwich inside the island’s only 7-Eleven store location.

The sub, known in the early 1940s as a “Spam-n-Depression Special” is made up of mostly Spam, lettuce and iron ore.

RIGHT: An historical photograph of a similar sandwich in its prime, ca. 1941. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

According to 7-Eleven Spokesperson Ray Dinkins, “This is truly an historic day for everyone in the 7-Eleven family. While most of our food is pretty old, it’s rare that we find a food product with such historical significance. This thing survived Pearl Harbor, after all. That’s how you know it’s a hardy meal.”

Added Dinkins, “We were considering having the remnants of this sandwich placed in The 7-Eleven Corporate Museum of Unnatural History, but then some guy on his lunch break came in and wanted to buy it, so we sold it to him.”

At press time, initial reports were beginning to surface regarding a 7-Eleven in the Yuma, Ariz., area and the archaeological discovery of a paleolithic-era hotdog, though there is no word yet on whether this could be the controversial and elusive “missing sausage link.”

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If you enjoyed this article, well, there's probably something deeply wrong with you. Fortunately, I'm neither your psychiatrist nor your sponsor. I'm an enabler, and I've got more of that sweet, sweet satire on my website, Reidicule News. Go ahead. Click it and get your fix. I won't judge.

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4 Responses to “WWII-Era Sub Found At 7-Eleven”

  1. Jay Griggs says:

    The real question though, is it still edible?

  2. Kilroy says:

    I heard they found a DNA match on a hotdog in a Detroit 7-11 a few years back, too.

  3. Reidicule says:

    @Jay: Mostly, yes. The iron ore will go bad before the spam does, so all you really need is a magnet to take out the mold, and then it’s good to go.

    @Kilroy: They did, but it was later determined that the majority of the DNA belonged to several disgruntled employees.

  4. kilroy says:

    EEEeeeewwwww……

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