Author: P. Beckert
Governor Scott Walker Declares State-Wide Burn Ban Leading Up to Recall Election
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has officially declared a state-wide emergency burn ban in response to reports that dozens of campaign signs on behalf of the embattled governor are going up in flames. The move, while politically necessary according to sources…
Barack Obama Thanks Bristol Palin for Unsolicited Parental Advice
Barack Obama made certain that he acknowledged the wise words he received indirectly Friday from Bristol Palin with regards to his stance on same-sex marriage. “We are just incredibly thankful to have someone as mature and wise as Bristol Palin…
Biggest Moon This Year May Cause Record Drunkenness on Cinco de Mayo
A new warning from the Astronomers Sociological Studies (ASS) group is being circulated around college campuses nationwide advising that this month’s full moon on May 5th may have a stronger gravitational pull than any in past months. An ASS member…
Five-Year Old Child Prodigy Channeling Frank Zappa
Ezra and Zoe Weinbaum of Hollywood, Florida are finally ready to accept the fact that they may just have a child prodigy on their hands. Their son, Zach, has shown musical talent almost since he was able to coo, and…
States Unwittingly Promote Masturbation by Prohibiting Gateway Sexual Activity
SALT LAKE CITY – In a poll taken of students in several states including Utah and Wisconsin, where new laws have been enacted to promote abstinence only as a way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, it was discovered that masturbation has…
Comedy Central Hires Keith Olbermann
Keith Olbermann was fired Friday by Current TV for breach of contract. Fortunately for Olbermann, he won’t have to start a new Countdown for the days since his firing or days until his new job. That’s because Olbermann was immediately…
Grandma Foils Would-Be Carjacker with Bag of Doggie Doo
Cecelia (Cece) Hudson is being hailed as one tough grandma this morning after reports of an attempted hijacking of her precious 1994 Honda Accord met with dismal failure. Due to her quick thinking and a conveniently placed bag of fresh…
Discrimination 101 Being Taught in Georgia Schools
While education money is tight right now all across America, parents in the State of Georgia needn’t worry. By combining math with any number of other subjects, some cash-strapped Georgia teachers are finally able to stretch those education dollars and…
Local Woman Moves Out of Her Comfort Zone and Into a Condo
Local woman, Margaret McDillon, has been moved out of the house on Elm Street that she called home for 57 years and into a condo on Main Street. “Oh, there are so many new things I’ll have to get used…
Roy Blunt Talks Hoes Not Women on International Women’s Day
Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo) chose International Women’s Day to talk about hoes. Here’s how he chose to honor March 8, 2012 on Twitter: Today is Natl Agriculture Day. Hope you’ll join me to recognize the vital benefits agriculture plays in…