Author: P. Beckert
EU Decision Throws Europe into Darkness
Hours, KW – The Eiffel Tower is now a threat to aviation safety as it stands unlit in the Paris night. Other famous landmarks in various European cities have gone dark as well due to the European Union’s decision to…
Duct Tape to Preserve Political Careers
Washington, D.C. – It was announced today by a Republican Party spokesperson that commencing immediately, rolls of duct tape will be made available, at the entrance to the House and Senate chambers, to those Republican lawmakers who cannot seem to…
Cloak of Death Nets $1M at Sotheby’s Auction
New York, NY – The New York office of Sotheby’s has disclosed that the original Cloak of Death, worn by Death himself, has been auctioned off for the amazing sum of $1M. The cloak was reportedly put up for auction…
Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism
Kayotic City, CA – Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of…
President Obama Assaulted With Caramels
Taking his cue from a popular American television show, President Karzai of Afghanistan lobs candy at President Obama, believing it to be an act of endearment.
Glenn Beck Show Saved By Good Ol’ Boy Advertisers
Glenn Beck is seeing his conventional ad revenues dry up due to his escalation of hate rhetoric, but the redneck community is coming to his aid to help keep him on the air.
Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel
Jerusalem – Israeli Health officials have announced today that the swine flu vaccine will not be made available to the general public as punishment for the more than 1,700 people who went against Hebrew law by contracting swine flu.
Obama Hosts Thursdays Under The Magnolia Tree
Washington, DC – President Obama announced that the small meeting held last Thursday between himself, Joe Biden, Professor Gates and Officer Crowley to share a beer and clear up any misunderstandings that may have arisen due to the incident involving…
Clinton: North Korea Needs Good Spanking
Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention.
Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits
Doomsday cults are big business these days. The Death by Chocolate Cult sadly disbanded. Phoenix, AZ – It was announced today that the doomsday cult calling itself Death by Chocolate has called it quits due to the fact that their…