Author: P. Beckert
Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America
A ban on all depilatory creams in America has aging women scrambling to find alternatives for getting rid of unsightly hair on their chins and necks. Pharmacies are finding it hard to keep tweezers and magnified mirrors in stock. “It’s…
For Israel, Peace at Any Price May Be Too High a Price
By Guest Writer Frank Edward Jordan The state of Israel will not forgo attacking Iranian nuclear facilities just because the US has not given it permission. Israel is a nuclear power. It has both the means and military expertise to…
News of Cheap, Effective Contraceptive has Women Applauding Santorum Supporter
The news out of Michigan this morning is that not all women in America are angry at Santorum financial backer, Foster Friess for stating that a safe and effective form of birth control for women is a simple aspirin placed…
Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow; Predicts Six More Months of Newt Gingrich
Folks in Pennsylvania have been complaining for years about all the taxpayer money they spend on lavishing their resident star groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, with the best hole in the county and some of the finest fruits and vegetables around. For…
Aging Gingrich Sucking Life Out of Youthful Santorum Race
Volunteers for GOP candidate Rick Santorum say they are growing more tired by the day trying to come up with good things to say about Newt Gingrich in order to keep the Gingrich/Santorum tag team going against candidate Mitt Romney….
Anderson Cooper Set to Propose to Kathy Griffin at Midnight
Well, folks, you can stop wondering whether (1) Anderson Cooper is gay; (2) Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin are dating; (3) Kathy Griffin is really a guy; or (4) Kathy Griffin is really a guy, gay and dating Anderson Cooper…
Prisons Change to Blue Flannel Jumpsuits; Shankings Down
Lee Henry Morgan, Warden at California’s San Quentin Prison is breathing a sigh of relief these days as the number of shankings in this infamously dangerous prison have decreased greatly over the past several months. “I wouldn’t have believed it…
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Makes Huge Announcement
“I’ve given it much consideration,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at an impromptu news conference called late Monday afternoon at the New Jersey diner where Christie is a regular customer. “I know that this decision will have a major…
Local Woman Saves Planet by Allowing Satan to Dwell in Her Abscessed Tooth
“The pain, Thweet Jethuth the pain,” yelled Cloris Zucker as the dentist poked around in her mouth trying to find the source of her discomfort. He started out innocently enough, beginning on the left side and working his way over…
Gang of 70-Year Olds on Mobility Scooters Terrorizing Orlando Tourists
The streets of some of Orlando’s most popular tourist destinations are being randomly terrorized by a gang of septuagenarians on mobility scooters. The gang, calling itself the 7 T’s, has so far escaped the law by ducking into restaurants during…