Author: Juvenal Delinquent
Right Wingers Develop Wild West Show, Cirque du Sarah Style
In an effort to restore their public image after the shooting in Arizona and its aftermath, the Republican National Committee has put forth a proposal to produce a touring Wild West Show, starring leaders of the new conservative movement. Sarah…
Arizona Shooter Cast as Uncle Fester in Franchise Reboot
Although the criminal case against accused gunman, Jared Lee Loughner, is just beginning, one thing is for certain, he’s going to prison. And if the administrators over at the infamous Supermax facility in Fremont County, Colorado have anything to say…
Thousands of Twitterers Mysteriously Fall Dead (From Skype)
Dubbed the “App-pocalypse” by users, officials say this is a perfectly natural phenomenon, likely caused by Firefox or a computer virus, and nothing to worry about.
Snow Miser put on ‘No Fly’ list
Mr. Snow Miser who played, well the ‘Snow Miser’, on the hit Christmas television special, The Year Without a Santa Claus, discovered to his dismay that he has been put on the TSA’s ‘No Fly’ list. Mr. Miser, who was…
US Inmate John Duty “Put Down”, Vet Wishes to Remain Nameless
A shortage of sodium thiopental, the kinder, gentler drug used for death row inmates in the US, forced the state of Oklahoma to send convicted murderer John Duty to a local vet where he was put down with an injection…
God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting
Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front…
Gays in military ask for more fashionable fatigues
Washington, DC – On the high heels of the historic vote to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” openly gay troops are now pushing for the Pentagon to bring in the top fashion designers to create more stylish uniforms. Dubbing it…
U.S. Gov’t Plays “Whack-a-Mole” to Combat Online Piracy
In a futile effort to combat file-sharing, the ICE (a division of the DHS) has begun whacking down websites suspected of copyright infringement. So far, the score is 70, 75, or 76, depending on who’s counting. A spokesman for the…
‘Wannabe’ Terrorist Punk’d In Portland… Aw, Snap
PORTLAND, Ore GlossyNews.com — Taking their cue from the genius of Ashton Kutcher, the FBI staged an elaborate prank on a Corvallis, OR teenager who thought he was part of a Jihadist plot to kill Christmas. Mohamed Osman Mohamud, 19,…
TSA Announces Mass-Hiring of Gropey-Santas
The controversy over the patting down of children has prompted the TSA to hire so-called Santas to help with security. Now children will get to sit on Santa’s lap, and he’ll find out if they’ve been naughty, nice or have…