Author: E. Williams
Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits
Washington, D.C. – The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate…
Michelle Obama Debuts New College Degree Plan at Rutgers: Professional Vacationer
New Brunswick, NJ – Smiling, and without a care in the world, FLOTUS showed up at Rutgers University today to unveil a brand new academic program she is credited with creating, in conjunction with the Board of Regents, that should…
Ben Affleck Under Investigation For Researching Wrong Role in Las Vegas
Las Vegas – Ben Affleck was caught ‘counting cards’ in Las Vegas this week and authorities are baffled as to why the actor was attempting such a feat. Apparently, Affleck was on a bender and claimed to be doing research…
Latest Godzilla Movie Features Fatter, Middle-Age Monster With Low T
Tokyo – In the latest incarnation of the Godzilla series of big-screen features, Godzilla 2014, the monster playing the fierce creature looks a little less menacing than in previous movies, and a little more out of shape. “It’s true, I’ve…
Kentucky Derby Horse ‘Uncle Sigh’ Doesn’t Really Give a Damn About Race
Churchill Downs – As the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby nears, one fact about one of the horses in the running this year is clear: ‘Uncle Sigh’ just doesn’t give a damn. The horse is already pissed about having…
New Study: Fat Bottomed Girls May Not ‘Make the Rockin’ World Go Round’ After All
Ithaca, NY – After years of tireless research at Cornell University, professors have released a study that brings into question the long-accepted fact the late great Freddie Mercury, from the rock band Queen, proclaimed to the world – Fat bottomed…
Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings
Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities….
Dallas Cowboy’s Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones
Dallas – In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones,…
Donald Sterling Banned For Life From Every Organization With Initials
Chicago – Not only has embattled owner of the LA Clippers basketball team, Donald Sterling, been banned for life from the NBA for his racist remarks, but virtually every other organization in America that is widely known by their initials…
Text Walking to Become New Olympic Sport
Rio de Janeiro – Text walking will become the newest sport to be part of the Olympic Games starting in Rio in 2016. The act of texting while walking has never been considered a sport but since so few people…