Author: E. Williams
President Obama Vows to Punish the Guilty in VA Scandal, Unless They Happen to be Federal Workers
Washington, D.C. – President Obama sternly admitted that no one in the country is more outraged than he over the news coming out of the VA scandal in which numerous veterans have lost their lives waiting for medical care. Nobody…
After a Day of Spinning, Jay Carney Requires Nearly a Pharmacy to Sleep at Night
Washington, D.C. – After an average day of spinning details of current events to make the President look good, no matter how bad the situation, White House spokesman, Jay Carney, needs practically an entire pharmacy to help him sleep at…
John Boehner Found Mummified in Tanning Bed
Washington D.C. – Speaker of the House, John Boehner, known for his orange hue and lack of spine when it comes to politics, was found this weekend in a dried-out, mummified state inside a tanning bed at a local salon….
Pink Floyd to Release Children’s Bedtime Book: Dark Side of the Mattress
London – After decades of churning out original, trippy, bizarre and beautiful music and selling kazillions of albums, Pink Floyd have announced they intend to release a children’s book this summer. Titled, “Dark Side of the Mattress”, the book promises…
Jake, From State Farm, Sues State Farm For Ruining His Dating Life
Bloomington, IL – The actor who plays “Jake, from State Farm”, we’ll call him Jake, from State Farm, in the famous insurance firm’s commercial, is suing the company for stereotyping him as “hideous” and ruining his love life. The actor…
NYC to Name “New Yorker You Least Want to Run Into” Award After Alec Baldwin
New York City – The New York City Visitor’s Bureau has decided to begin handing out an annual award designed to reward a recipient, while at the same time alerting the public to a person who, should they see him…
Jay-Z Forced to Rewrite “99 Problems” After Sister-in-Law Becomes #100
New York City – Famous rapper Jay-Z thought he had it made. Married to one of the most famous people in the world, singer Beyonce, the wordsmith has been enjoying life since 2004 when he announced he only had ninety-nine…
Miley Cyrus Complains About Dwindling Number of Ways to Shock Audiences
San Francisco – At a recent concert stop at the “City by the Bay”, pop nuisance Miley Cyrus whined that it’s getting too hard to shock audiences at her shows these days and that Madonna and Lady Gaga have racked…
White House Laments Roosevelt Didn’t Have #HitlerSucks in 1940’s, Could Have Shortened War
Washington D.C. – Sixteen year-old White House Spokesman, Jay Carney, commented in today’s presidential press briefing that it was a shame the Roosevelt administration didn’t have the benefit of hashtags in the early days of World War II so they…
‘American Idol’ Becomes Proving Ground for Future Politicians After Aiken Congressional Run
Los Angeles – Ryan Seacrest announced this morning that, due to former American Idol finalist Clay Aiken’s close results in his bid to win a congressional seat in North Carolina, the show would transition to a clearinghouse for all future…