Author: Dan Geddes
Top Economists Sagely Call for Wholly Unfundable War
WASHINGTON – Several leading economists have recently called for war as the best means to solve the world’s six-year old economic crisis. Nobel-nominated economist Karl Strauss of the University of Chicago stated: “War is the time-honored cure for economic stagnation.”…
“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar
WASHINGTON – The newly appointed US Drone Czar announced today that attack drones operating on US soil may not attack US banks without prior approval of the Federal Reserve Bank. “Let me be clear,” stated General Quentin Easing, the new…
Billions Happy During World Cup
RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament. “The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not…
Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.” Known as “Support the Troops,” President Obama himself announced…
Facebook Funeral for Computer Game Enthusiast
TOLEDO – Zed Rigby, 65, a life-long computer game enthusiast, died in his home in Toledo, Ohio last Monday. Mr. Rigby leaves behind no family or actual friends, but a number of his virtual friends are now engaged in virtual…
Federal Reserve: “We Can Print Dollars Forever”
WASHINGTON – Federal Reserve chair Janet Yellen yesterday affirmed her confidence that the Federal Reserve Bank can “print dollars forever.” Yellen stated at the National Press Club: “The Federal Reserve can expand its balance sheet indefinitely. We are prepared to…
Jesus Look-alike Arrested for Feeding 5,000 Homeless People
ORLANDO — A Jesus look-alike was arrested today for violating the Orlando city ordinance against feeding homeless people. Jesús Christos, 33, of Kissimmee, is now being held in Orlando City Jail. Orlando Police said that early yesterday afternoon Christos began…
The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief
If the recent leaks about the US government’s surveillance of all worldwide electronic communications have left you upset or confused, then you may be experiencing one of the five stages of NSA surveillance grief. Much like Kuebler-Ross’ Five Stages of…