Romney Threatens to Fire Crowley, Crowd, and China

VILLAGE OF HAMPSTEAD, NEW YORK- The second presidential debate was the scene of chaos as Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney threatened to fire the moderator, debate participants, and an entire nation on Tuesday night.

Mitt Romney suffered a severe short circuit from over clocking his platform processor, a microchip that allows him to process his policy changes quickly.

This lead to an inevitable overload when Romney was presented with paradoxes, like what he was told to be truth from trusted advisers, could actually be wrong. Read more Romney Threatens to Fire Crowley, Crowd, and China

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God Puts Global Warming on Hold for A Few Days

INDIANAPOLIS – As temperatures dropped Tuesday to a low of 39° F across the Midwest, God announced that global warming will be put on hold for a few days, while he just tests out a few things.

Eager to continue the mild fall-winter transition that Hoosiers saw in 2011, The Almighty said that residents in Indiana could expect to see no more than fourteen days of decreased temperatures, insisting that global warming will recommence in earnest on or around October 20. Read more God Puts Global Warming on Hold for A Few Days

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Ayn Rand Based Movie Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 – We All Shrugged

Today I spent my afternoon at the movies, if you can call them that. I had what can only be described as a hopefully forgetful afternoon viewing one of the most horrific movies that has come out this year, or maybe ever, Atlas Shrugged: Part 2.

This movie runs like a desolate highway in Texas; it’s much too long and there’s regrettably, unforgivably nothing to see. Read more Ayn Rand Based Movie Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 – We All Shrugged

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Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest

A man was arrested by police in the small hours of yesterday night after an angry woman made a call to the emergency services from a bar just outside the suburbs of New York.

Police were called to the scene at about 2:30am where it is believed that a band known as The F Zappas were playing.

It is understood that police stormed the bar, hurried on stage and arrested the lead guitarist on suspicion of guitar wanking. Read more Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest

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