Scientists are still excited over the discovery of a habitable planet orbiting the nearby red dwarf star, Gliese 581. However, the discovery has many Americans wondering what the government plans to do in the event of an alien invasion.

“We got unemployment at ten percent and government spending is out of control,” said Edward Cracker, a tea party activist from Illinois. “How can we financially support a bunch of anal probing aliens?” Read the full story

Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen.

Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed that he is a hundred times better at predicting things than any psychic. “For years, I’ve been telling my viewers how fed up they are and how screwed they should feel, and now, after this past election, how I thought things were going to get ugly. Read the full story

One of PM Gordon Brown’s brain-dead New Labour election candidates may be sacked before he even gets a job following the instance of his calamitous faux pas of publicly declaring the Queen to be a “parasite” and “vermin scum” on a Tory-owned website.

Jacko McScrunt, who is seeking election to Slumgutter Hamlets Borough Council in South London next May, wrote the comments on Tory MP Dinsdale Fuctifino’s Facebook page. Read the full story