OMG! World’s Logic Scholars Left Reeling in Mass Suicide: Donald Trump Makes ‘Impossible Discovery!’

Since the days of Aristotle, logic has been considered a cornerstone of civilisation.

Logicians have been highly respected (and despised) scholars, and while nobody particularly likes them, their intellectual credentials have generally been considered second to none. Despite the cavils of Tertullian, Martin Luther, Al-Ghazali and many others, critical thinking and philosophy has remained an important staple of the academic world.

Read more OMG! World’s Logic Scholars Left Reeling in Mass Suicide: Donald Trump Makes ‘Impossible Discovery!’

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Real Fake News is Losing Credibility

Real Fake News (RFN) is the only non-partisan news source left. And its integrity is under sustained attack by the peddlers of illegitimate fake news. It’s being stomped on by those charlatans who declare themselves honest, rational and accurate.

Abdul O’Shaunessy, one of the best known Real Fake News writers working today, emphasized this point by adding, “Those partisan pricks are taking over.”

Abdul is right. The purveyors of illegitimate fake news have cleanly divided into two partisan camps. And each of those camps declare themselves to be the paragon of honesty.

We writers of the RFN say right up front we’re gonna lie like hell and then present our lies honestly in a straightforward manner.

So, who are you going to trust? Those people who tell you what you are about to read is total bullshit or those who swear what they are telling you is the absolute truth?

It’s getting tougher and tougher to compete when we are all telling the same lies about the same people. Those partisan pricks are encroaching into our territory without shame and without mercy.

Let’s take a recent example of an incident that occurred during the presidential inauguration. Specifically, the moment when Mrs. Trump gave Mrs. Obama the traditional gift marking the transition of administrations.

Anti-Trumpers called Melania “A haughty Empress who considers the Obamas lowbrow and quite bourgeois. She showed her disdain by off-handedly tossing her box on the table and moving away from the rabble as fast as she could.”

The Pro-Trumpers referred to the event as “A gracious gesture on the part of Mrs. Trump to show her appreciation of how Mrs. Obama has conducted herself as the FLOTUS.” They called it “typical” when Mrs. Obama showed no appreciation whatsoever.

Mr. O’Shaunessy said the look on Michele’s face betrayed her aching desire to get her hands on Melania’s box. And ever since seeing Melania’s girl on girl spread in the fashion magazine article, she could think of little else.

Now all three are bullshit but the readers of the illegitimate fake news swallowed their preferred versions whole and are happy to repeat it to anyone who thinks just like they do.

But us RFN readers are much more sophisticated.

We understand how things really work.

We are perceptive, sharp and quite clever. We are truly the only intelligent consumers of information left.

Abdul O’Shaunessy had some chilling remarks about the future of Real Fake News.

“They’re filching our stuff. And some brilliant RFN writers, good friends of mine, have been coaxed over to their side. We are starting to lose our best and brightest.”

Please, don’t let our lies continue to lose their credibility.

Get up and call hooey on all of it.

Standup tall for sincere and heartfelt bullshit.

At this critical point, I can do little more than salute your dedication to honesty.

I’m sure Adbul will agree with me when I say that Real Fake News certainly attracts a better class of people.

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Trump Orders Obama’s Presidency be Stricken from the Historical Record

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C. (Crazy Town)–President Trump signed an executive order, commanding that every sign be erased, that Barack Obama had been president.

Trump ordered the military to destroy everything from stamps bearing Obama’s facial likeness, to news recordings of Obama’s speeches, to political cartoons about Obama.

The President added that anyone caught saying that an African-American was ever president of the United States would be sued personally by him.

“Repealing Obamacare is only a stepping stone,” said Trump’s spokesperson, Kellyanne Conway. “Talk about alternative facts! You liberals in the media actually think an African-American was president for eight years. But show me the evidence he was ever in office, once we’ve finished tossing that evidence into the memory hole.”

According to Democratic Senator Lillian Lillyliver, “You see, Republicans erred in attempting to tar Obama by informally naming the Affordable Care Act after him. Now they have to deal with the mess of trying to repeal and replace it, just because that healthcare bill is associated with Obama’s name, since Republicans evidently want no memory to survive that Obama had ever been president.”

Asked why she thinks Republicans are so opposed to that memory, Lillyliver said, “Methinks it’s because Obama’s as black as Trump’s heart.”

“President Trump seems to be taking a page from the pharaohs,” said Egyptologist Manuel Mysterioso. “If a pharaoh wanted to destroy his predecessor’s legacy, he obliterated every trace of it, by chiseling the former pharaoh’s face from relief sculptures, for example. And so future generations would forget that that detested pharaoh had ever lived. The belief was that our spirit resides in some physical form so that if you destroy the form, the spirit–and thus the intangible memory–dissipates.”

“It’s a case of ‘Hear no evil, see no evil,’” said one political analyst. “You know: out of sight, out of mind. If you don’t have to be reminded that something awful happened, you can pretend it never did. Why it matters whether a neoliberal president like Obama has light or dark skin is anyone’s guess. That’s a matter for a psychotherapist. I mean, Obama bent over backward a thousand times to accommodate the insanity from the far right. And the Republicans deliberately stonewalled him from the get-go to prevent the public from forming the conviction that a civil, democratic government can function as an alternative social arrangement to a capitalistic marketplace.”

“I’ve already forgotten who was president before me,” said Trump. “You say it was a ‘man of colour.’ Does that mean he was just someone other than an invisible man, someone who wasn’t colourless?” After the euphemism “person of colour” was explained to Trump, the president said, “Oh, so he was black, you say, an African American. I see no evidence there was any such person who used to sleep in my bed.

“In fact, the very notion that there are people with non-white skin seems farfetched to me. I’ve never seen these dark-skinned people you speak of. Is this like the myth that there are hordes of non-millionaires and non-billionaires polluting the earth? Where are all these losers supposed to be hiding? My Cabinet’s composed mostly of millionaires and billionaires, because there’s no one else in my world. And how can I step outside my world and still be me?”

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